Friday, November 2, 2012

Attack of insane PAIN

I am in so much pain today, I am losing my mind. It is, believe it or not, almost exclusively from my *right* thigh joint- not the left, which is almost always the guilty party. The "impingement" is the culprit (same thing I had in the left thigh, for which I had repair surgery 9  months ago). Here are a few websites about it if you want to know what I am talking about:

The pain is outside and inside the joint: trochanter (outside of hip joint), buttock (center of hip/thigh joint), front/groin- frontal side of joint, and sacroiliac (joint on back of pelvis/lower back). I am crying it hurts so much. I took extra narcotics about a half hour ago, so far no relief. I may have to pile on something even stronger. I got it all in my cabinet- you name it. 
If I went downtown with what I have, we'd have our mortgage paid for at least 4 or 5 months...

I don't know what brought this on, and I am in a bad cycle (but working on getting out of it) of useless negativity; more surgeries, more incapacitation, no relief, pain for the rest of my life.

Did the NF lead to the PVNS? nobody knows. 
Same exact area, though, within one year after the NF.
Did the PVNS surgery bring on the impingement? 
I know there is a genetic aspect to FAI, I am quite sure my father had it, too, and just now got a hip replacement because of heavy osteoarthritis. By the end, right before his hip replacement, he could not walk anymore.

With me it probably is genetic, at least with the right hip- there was no damage directly to the right hip; but all the limping and making unusual/drastic demands on it, on a regular basis, for five years, well, I guess it is revolting now.

The PVNS surgerey took out all the synovium (the PVNS surgery was called "synovectomy"). The synovium are the ducts which bring the oils to the joint to make it move smoothly. PVNS is a disease which manifests itself with tumors on those ducts, so the entire duct system has to get taken out. That makes it more vulnerable to impingement, because there is no oil moving the joint smoothly. A bit like a wooden window which is stuck and cannot go up or down; if you try to push it or pull it, it very well may go off the track. That's what impingement feels like. 

So I absolutely know for sure that I need my right hip fixed, and soon. I am in total agony. 
In the past hour and a half I have taken: of course, my regular two patches of Fentanyl (62.5 mmg), one Percocet (didn't effect the pain *at all*), and 300 mmg's more of Fentanyl, in the lolly form. And it still hurts!!!
And I am not the least bit drowsy yet. I just want to get the pain numbed and take a nap and sleep off my woes. That plan remains to be seen.

Shabbat might be in bed. We are supposed to go to a BatMitzvah of the daughter of friends on Shabbat, but, like so many countless times before, I may have to miss it. We are invited out for dinner tonight by very close friends, I may have to miss that, too. I can't walk.

Oh, and one more thing while I am ranting?
Robert and Ya'akov have a nasty stomach bug. No fever, but runnnnnnnnnnnnns. 
We are a grumpy, but still blessed, household.
Hashem Yishmor. (Gd protect us).

Shabbat Shalom.


  1. Dear, dear Sarah,

    I just read this. What can I say to you? I wish I could fix it.
    I’m just sending so much love. Can you feel the hug?


  2. I'm reading this and praying for pain relief. Hugs!

  3. You are right dear Sarah, no one would ever know what you're dealing with when meeting or getting together with you! Writing is good and necessary, keep it up! Wishing you daily, a refuah shleimah! Your empathy for others in pain, too, regardless of what kind, is very special. May you always be able to reach out. Shabbat Shalom.

  4. You are right; getting those thoughts and feelings "out there" helps you to get them out. You might consider that some of what you are going through is a natural result of all the healing work you are doing. "Healing crises" are not unusual. I know, it's a hard way to go; hang in there.

  5. I hope you are feeling better by now.

  6. Shavua tov - hope you had a better Shabbat than you expected, and that you are feeling way better

  7. shavua tov ! it was so nice to see you nice and early in shul ! and nice to chat.

  8. Glad to hear that you were able to get to shul. I hope that gave you a lift. Sending love. Shavuah tov and bsorot tovot.

    1. I was glad to be at shul, also, for the BatMitzvah. I feel it is very special to support girls who read Torah for their BAtMitzvahs.
      I was so stoned on narcs, though- remember my state of general confusion? Heh.
      Took me teeny little steps to get there, from K & J's place where I drove to before Shabbat and stayed the night, so I could go to shul at Be'erot. (thanks, again, to Robert for supporting me to do this!) Afterward I slept all afternoon until Motz'ash at K & J's.

  9. Hope you get this resolved quickly!

  10. Sarah, your strength and will to do what is important to you regardless of the challenges are incredible. My new grade six text book talks about champions. You are definitely a champion! May Hashem bless you with continued strength to persevere, but even more may He give you a refuah shleimah. If you do all this while so challenged, imagine how much good you'd be able to do while feeling fine. May Hashem listen to these words and answer my prayers for you with "yes" and may the refuah shleimah come quickly BE"H.