OK, we can all breathe again.
Pain has, for some mysterious reason, subsided... today. I don't know how long I'll have with this reprieve, but I take what I can get. I took the normal amount of medicines for the past few days, and the worst of the right hip pain seems to have passed. I know it still has to be operated on, but at least I am no longer in a state of emergency. I wish I knew what controls the pain level. It is so mysterious. Why did it get better? I did nothing different except rest.
Oh. Rest. Ya think?
Yesterday I had my MRI. It was one of the hardest ones I have ever been through. This one was with the dye that colors different parts. I don't know what it is called in English. It is not iodine- that is for CT. It is something else for MRI, but whatever- you probably know what I mean...?
So, it was not only with the dye stuff, but also of both hips.
That means that they have to focus the heavy antenna thing- big, like from knee to stomach- first on one side, then the other. Each side takes about 20 minutes. The whole time I have to lie still. It hurts a lot to have my legs extended completely straight (I sleep with a big pillow under them), and it had to be that way the whole time. Then after the one side, the moved the antenna plate to the other side. *Then*, in goes the dye stuff into my IV. Again with the antenna twice, this time with the dye. Waah! I was not a happy camper. The whole thing took almost an hour of lying straight and still. Of course, we are talking about an MRI- the whole time with the jack-hammering and chain saw-like sounds so loud that the hospital supplies earphones for noise protection.
Then came an even worse part.
The dye made me *so sick*. I was nauseous for over an hour after the test, then... yup. My body had to propel it out. I was driving, and I had to stop on the side of the road, get out of the car and throw-up. Awful! But I felt better after that. My body just rejected that dye stuff.
Anyway, it is over, and I will have the official results in "a week to 10 days".
I was very busy today; going here & there to get the car fixed, then going to exchange the trash can top which broke, then Home Center for a new clothing rack to hang clothes to dry outside (they get brittle very quickly here with the strong sun). I saw in Home Center a desk & shelves set that was *perfect* for Shifra's room. She has been asking for a desk for a long time, and I found this one for an amazing price. It was the floor model with two small defects which wouldn't be seen, and they gave me 50% off!
Remember, though- to check stuff out in a store takes a *lot* of legwork. Talking to the sales person, waiting while they talk on the phone with the manager to get you a discount, and you standing there waiting. Going to pay and then back again with the receipt so you can get help to cart the piece of furniture away. Then to the car, adjusting seats and whatnot to get the thing in. Most people don't realize how much leg work that all takes. My hips remind me constantly that I am using up standing & walking time. Then, with the [tiny rental] car stuffed with desk parts, I went to go get Shifra & Azriel from school (two different schools in two different ends of the city).
Got home, made a burger for myself (I hadn't eaten since rice crackers & juice in the morning), and a salad for the rest of the family. Sitting to chop the salad doesn't help so much. You have to get up & down a lot with forgetting things, making the dressing. Getting up & down from chairs- or in & out of the car- is quite painful for me. Those are a few of the most painful maneuvers I do). I haven't mastered the art of getting everything to the table at once and sitting to make an entire salad.
It winds up being a lot of time on my feet!
Then our nanny came, and I drove Shifra to ballet class.
Then I picked up Dov because he was tired and didn't want to take the bus. I say no to him so many times, I decided to pick him up this time since I was out anyway. His school is on the opposite side of the city from the ballet class, *of course*. Brought him home, turned right around to pick up Shifra.
Came home, took care of kids & family business (homework, helping Shifra put her shelves & desk together, with help from Dov, Ya'akov, and our Nanny). Cleaned out a closet which the contents had be sprawled onto the floor by a little boy looking for a baseball hat. That was almost too much for me- I really started to ache by then in both hips. Then wound my way upstairs and took a long, hot shower.
Immediately thereafter, Ya'akov came upstairs to work on his BarMitzvah portion with me (at my beckoning). No rest for the weary. He recited the entire thing- from the first aliyah (beginning of the divided Torah portion) to the last. He's awesome. His portion is especially long, compared to others.
This is work that requires a huge amount of concentration and paying attention to every slight detail and error. With him- he has just been diagnosed with Tourettes syndrome- it is EXTRA hard to concentrate with all his ticks and other things out of his control (we just found a great doctor who will prescribe for him the right medicine- finally!). I told him that it is like trying to play piano with gloves on, and he is doing it fantastically. These boys memorize the entire portion for that week, the week their BarMitzvah falls on. It's like 6 large pages of Torah, with no vowels. He's got three & 1/2 more months, and is already very close with the main part of his reading. It's just a lot of repetition at this point, and another smaller portion as well, Parashat Para. He does have a lot on his plate. Still responsible, of course, for all his regular 7th grade work, too. He's doing an amazing job... did I say that already?
For me, though, after a very physically long day and in pain, I wasn't finished in the evening. Working with him took another hour & a quarter or so. At least it is mind work, but very intensive mind work. I sat in bed and he sat at my desk.
It was so worth it, but, ummm, yeah-- about that resting bit?
Well, Robert has finished his work week today and will be home until Sunday, thankfully. It's my time to lay back a little. Wish me luck... it is not simple to raise four kids and try to run a household with constant pain. Thank Gd I have a nanny who can help out on the days I am solo! But you know what? My kids are awesome, and it is such an amazing blessing, today I enjoyed that blessing, thank Gd. What more, really, is life about? Well, health would be good.
But you know what I mean and how I feel- we've been in this journey for a long time together. :)
- Be'er Sheva, Israel
- Being a doula, I regularly witness miracles. I see blood, sweat and tears, and at the same time, euphoric joy and awe. I help birth babies. I'm also an established orchestra musician, and a religious Zionist. In May 2007 I almost died. I had hernia surgery, and developed an infection 4 days later. It progressed to Necrotizing Faciitis (NF) and I landed in the ICU on a respirator. I woke up from the coma, slowly understanding that I had serious body damage, but everyone was glad to see me alive. Slowly the implications sunk in. While in hospital, my SIL started a website hosted by CaringBridge.org to inform friends and family of progress. When I came home, I took over writing. The posts were filled with blood, sweat, fears, and many tears. It started to feel like I was blogging, rather than simply disseminating information on my well being. This blog was born, about the next phase of healing. The original illness is over, but in the aftermath, I am fighting more rare diseases, and needing more surgeries. There are elements of illness-induced loneliness and pain, as well as plenty of faith and hope. I invite you to join me on my journey!