Tuesday, December 18, 2012

CMV getting the best of me (or at least a big piece).

I am just so tired, day in and day out. I cannot find the time or energy to think about writing. Life is going along OK, thank Gd. It is just that I am  *soooo* tired, I can barely be awake when I want to be. I push myself and push, to be awake for my family and myself. It must be the CMV. I am just perpetually wiped out. That is why I haven't written.

Things are chugging along at their own pace, and everyone is healthy, thank Gd.
I can't stay up to write right now; I have to sleep whenever I can- feeling the need is constant and overwhelming at times.

Friends & family (parents)- I am so sorry I haven't been in touch like I want to be. I simply cannot fit everything into the day. Taking care of the kids' needs comes first, and that is all I have to give. (I'm *very* grateful for my nanny who comes 4 evenings a week. It's just that the out-of-pocket expense is rough on us.)

I made an appointment for tomorrow to try to get back to the gym where my membership has been on hold for almost a year (since the thigh surgery a year ago). It's a 10:30 appointment. I pray I make it there.

11:00 pm now... wayyy past the time I wanted to go to sleep. I spent time today and yesterday with a friend in the hospital who is after major surgery, so I feel good about that; at least something productive. Her doctor is the surgeon who did my original hernia surgery, so seeing him around has been a bit weird, but life goes on. We've talked, superficially, of course. Whatever. At least I am not traumatized for an entire day just by seeing him. That is a waste of energy. He's just not that powerful.

Going to sleep now. Lets all pray I get back to the gym tomorrow morning.

Here is a picture from Shifra (recently turned 10!) which was on my pillow this evening when I came home from visiting my friend in the hospital:

It says: I give this beautiful flower to ima (mommy) because I love her the best, 
the best!!

 I am the luckiest ima in the world.


  1. What a beautiful note from Shifra! Warmed my heart too. Don't take that gesture for granted.

    Sometimes no news is good news, but I still checked in on you every day. Don't ever feel no one's checking in, even if you don't write.

    A reminder: time for a Chanukah 2012 picture! And when is Yaakov's Bar Mitzvah? did I miss this somehow?

    XXXOOO db in nj

  2. That is sooooo sweet!!!!!

  3. Y'know what's neatest about that picture (and Shifra is a verrrrry talented artist!)? The ima in the picture is absolutely beautiful, with a loving and serene expression on her face. It brought tears to my eyes to get a glimpse into how she sees you, Sarah. It says that in the midst of all your illness and trauma, you're still giving something very special to your kids. Hang on to that thought, friend. Kol ha k'vod!

    1. But Mardi dear, the picture is of *her* giving me a rose. She has the red hair...
      But yeah, the expression is serene. Even if it is a picture of her, her self image is strong and sweet. We'll go with that. :)

  4. Darlene wrote: "What a beautiful card / picture Shifra made for you! I hope you will have more energy again soon. It's amazing that you were able to get past the tiredness to do the mitzvah of bikur cholim. I hope you'll get your "lift" at the gym. It's good that you are looking through the windshield and not focused on the rear window, keep up the strength and wisdom to continue having your focus in that direction. Sending lots of love."

  5. Sarah, I wanted to get your perspective post-Operation Pillar of Defense .... were you expecting a different outcome? What are your and Robert's thoughts on this?