OK, I just want to put all that behind me. It was basically me getting all paranoid about something that turned out to be nothing.
I think that is a side effect of having had NF. I somehow believe that the unusual, rare things are the ones that will happen to me. Just because that happened twice (nf & pvns), it doesn't mean it'll always be that way. Also, I *stupidly* believed something I read on the internet, which turned out to be wrong information. I can't believe I fell for that. I want to go back into that "reputable" site and write a letter correcting that information. It sent me into a tailspin for nothing. It happens to me a lot- that I think Very Bad Things are happening to me when it really turns out to be a simple thing. Don't know if I'll ever shake that one.
Anyway, aside from feeling kinda low-energy and virus-y, I am over that emergency which wasn't an emergency. Oh, and we've got sick kids at home, too. We were up almost all Friday night with a fevery little boy.
I think that if I didn't have the kids, it would be hard for me to find a reason to go out and be lively each day. Thank Gd for the kids. Sometimes, though, I do need to hide away and take rest days. Usually my body tells me to by feeling fluey and swollen glands (like today). But, sometimes it is just because I can't take life anymore. My system goes on overload and I just gotta check out. That is what happened on Friday, after Thursday, when I thought I had a big health problem. Thankfully, I don't.
Just like I need to "check out" sometimes, it seems that my body is doing the same thing. It no longer wants to be fully functioning while it needs all these medicines and to deal with pain.
The doctor told me I am going into early menopause.
- Be'er Sheva, Israel
- Being a doula, I regularly witness miracles. I see blood, sweat and tears, and at the same time, euphoric joy and awe. I help birth babies. I'm also an established orchestra musician, and a religious Zionist. In May 2007 I almost died. I had hernia surgery, and developed an infection 4 days later. It progressed to Necrotizing Faciitis (NF) and I landed in the ICU on a respirator. I woke up from the coma, slowly understanding that I had serious body damage, but everyone was glad to see me alive. Slowly the implications sunk in. While in hospital, my SIL started a website hosted by CaringBridge.org to inform friends and family of progress. When I came home, I took over writing. The posts were filled with blood, sweat, fears, and many tears. It started to feel like I was blogging, rather than simply disseminating information on my well being. This blog was born, about the next phase of healing. The original illness is over, but in the aftermath, I am fighting more rare diseases, and needing more surgeries. There are elements of illness-induced loneliness and pain, as well as plenty of faith and hope. I invite you to join me on my journey!