My oldest son Dov and I have been "on the road" for three days. He was doing a circuit of entrance exams for yeshiva high schools (I'm going to have to send him to a boarding school. You guys better be here to help me through *that* one.)
I drove... and drove and drove and drove.
A few different cities, sleeping over, and visiting with friends and family. It was wonderful to see everyone in our path, but we are both so tired. And my pain level increased with each passing day. Once again I see that sleeping-in in the mornings is not out of choice; my body desperately needs it. Not enough sleep=more pain. Simple equation for a complicated life.
I need to go to sleep right now, I just wanted to check in and say I made it, and so did my wonderful son. It was a very precious opportunity spending time alone with him. He is so independent that I take it for granted that he is OK and doesn't need my immediate attention like my other kids. He is only 14, and I found out on this trip that he still needs his mommy. He just doesn't like me to kiss him. :)
In other, body-function news, Homeopathy for opioid-induced constipation seems to be gently working. The Lord is good. (and so is the homeopath!)
My tremors in my hands are getting worse. That is because of the effect on the central nervous system that is happening with the nerve pain medicine. Typing on the computer is harder, and using the touch keyboard of my "smart-phone" has become nearly impossible. One of the friends we saw a few days ago helped tremendously by showing me a program that writes when you slide your finger from key-to-key. It is perfect for me. Also, the voice activated dictation is much better with this program. Thanks, YM!!!!!
I think the worst part of having hand tremors is that even when the hand isn't visibly tremor-ing,I *feel* it inside my hand. My hands never feel settled. They always feel an internal 'nervous' type of feeling, even at times that the tremor is imperceptible.
My friend who I spent time with today is a very talented healer/massage/spiritual/intuitive person (and so much more). She took my hand, and with her two hands, held my one hand very firmly. It was such a relief. For the first time in ages I felt the tremors stop.
This technique is something I do (did) frequently with women right after they deliver their babies. Many women go into tremors, from all the work and nervous-system overload (labor pain). I take their feet at the arch of the foot, and hold them very firmly with my hands. They always tell me that they love the feeling. It is grounding, and a relief from the uncontrollable feeling of the tremors. This is the first time, however, that someone did it to (for) me. Now I know how amazing it is to have relief. Thank you with all my heart BW.
In two days I am raising my pain patches.
My body has adjusted itself to my regular dose, and I find myself in more pain on a regular basis. What is going on in my right hip is getting very painful, and often hurts more than the left. I need to be able to keep going, so Dr. Z & I decided to raise the Fentanyl with hopes that if/when I get the right thigh joint fixed, I can wean off of it. Please Gd.
The test I need to evaluate the right hip (the MRA) isn't until April, and only after that can my orthopedist and I decide what the hip needs. I am going to try to move it up to an earlier date.
I know, and I think he knows, that it has the FAI like the left had. We need to know if it has PVNS. Bilateral (both sides of the body) PVNS is unusual, but not unheard of. My lower right back has been killing me, as well as my entire pelvis.
(in the article I sited above regarding the FAI, under the "evaluation" section, you can read about what an MRA is).
Good night from a very, very, very tired- and triumphant- momma.
Mission accomplished, despite the obstacles. Baruch Hashem.
You HAVE to hear this song. I absolutely lovelovelove it. I can't get enough of it.
- Be'er Sheva, Israel
- Being a doula, I regularly witness miracles. I see blood, sweat and tears, and at the same time, euphoric joy and awe. I help birth babies. I'm also an established orchestra musician, and a religious Zionist. In May 2007 I almost died. I had hernia surgery, and developed an infection 4 days later. It progressed to Necrotizing Faciitis (NF) and I landed in the ICU on a respirator. I woke up from the coma, slowly understanding that I had serious body damage, but everyone was glad to see me alive. Slowly the implications sunk in. While in hospital, my SIL started a website hosted by CaringBridge.org to inform friends and family of progress. When I came home, I took over writing. The posts were filled with blood, sweat, fears, and many tears. It started to feel like I was blogging, rather than simply disseminating information on my well being. This blog was born, about the next phase of healing. The original illness is over, but in the aftermath, I am fighting more rare diseases, and needing more surgeries. There are elements of illness-induced loneliness and pain, as well as plenty of faith and hope. I invite you to join me on my journey!