I spoke to my parents the other day, and I was happy to tell them that I felt better, finally, and I think the worst of it is behind me.
That night I had a relapse of sorts. I was coughing and low-grade fevery all night, taking Robitussin consistently every four hours, each time my coughing woke me up. :(
I have had NO ENERGY. It is simply, *impossible*.
Every night now I am coughing and slightly fevery. Robitussin, take me away.
I did go to my GP. Robert implored me to, even though I intuitively felt that it is a virus/flu thing which my immune system hasn't fought off yet.
She listened to my lungs: clear. No sign of pneumonia.
She told me that if my fever doesn't clear up in three days, to go get a lung x-ray.
I haven't done the lung x-ray, my fever isn't high, and it is totally inconsistent. One night yes, one no, and never what is considered "high". But, forget what is "considered" high, I feel awful when it goes up, of course. I don't feel congestion like pneumonia (although I never had it. I am the one who used to get bronchitis every year, but never pneumonia.)
Point is... my body isn't 'getting it together', so to speak. Since the infection a month ago, my immune system hasn't gotten back "on-line" yet.
I try every day to get up and do some of what needs to be done, but after an hour or two I am slammed with dizziness, and an inordinate inability to lift my feet and take one step after another. I have gone back to bed most days. I wake up really late- most of the morning goes away. Can you believe this?!
In the meantime, though, I have to give myself some credit. I've been helping the kids get their Purim costumes together. Even with a fever a few evenings ago, I made a shield for my 7-year-old "Captain America" out of a hamper top and paper and markers. I'm so clever.
Dov (14 yrs old) decided to wear his slippers and robe to school, and when people asked his what he was dressed up as, he said "tired". :)
Shifra's costume I bought in the US last time I was there- Halloween sales. :) I got her the glittery make-up she *needed* to complete being the Greek Princess that she was dressed up as. (actually it was a Greek goddess costume, but we don't *do* goddesses around here...)
Ya'akov hasn't dressed up yet. We have yet to see his creation on Purim- Sat night and Sunday.
I have also been doing plenty of stuff- you know that. It's just that I tire very quickly, and very often feel fevery and... yes... grumpy.
Robert is working overtime (as if he wasn't already) to get things organized for the BarMitzvah, happening next Shabbat, with out-of-country uncles coming on Wednesday. I am HAPPY about these things. Reallyreallyreally happy.
But unhappy about being in a seemingly constant state of unwell for over a month now.
I just took the thermometer out of my mouth- 37.5. Normal for me is 36.5. It makes a BIG difference in how my body feels.
What am I going to do??
I know I'll make it through, and things won't be perfect (are they ever?). But this time... this time I am more worried about if I will make it through all the events and plans without conking out in a big way.
God, I just want to be *present* for all the good in life, which we wait for with all the difficult parenting. The milestones. That is what it's all about.
I want to be PRESENT. Is that too much to ask??
(these are the times I am less ambivalent- and more bitter- about the surgeon, 5+1/2 years ago, and all the mistakes which were made when I got NF... as opposed to my last post-- or one before that perhaps? I will try to push out the bitterness. It serves no purpose.)
- Be'er Sheva, Israel
- Being a doula, I regularly witness miracles. I see blood, sweat and tears, and at the same time, euphoric joy and awe. I help birth babies. I'm also an established orchestra musician, and a religious Zionist. In May 2007 I almost died. I had hernia surgery, and developed an infection 4 days later. It progressed to Necrotizing Faciitis (NF) and I landed in the ICU on a respirator. I woke up from the coma, slowly understanding that I had serious body damage, but everyone was glad to see me alive. Slowly the implications sunk in. While in hospital, my SIL started a website hosted by CaringBridge.org to inform friends and family of progress. When I came home, I took over writing. The posts were filled with blood, sweat, fears, and many tears. It started to feel like I was blogging, rather than simply disseminating information on my well being. This blog was born, about the next phase of healing. The original illness is over, but in the aftermath, I am fighting more rare diseases, and needing more surgeries. There are elements of illness-induced loneliness and pain, as well as plenty of faith and hope. I invite you to join me on my journey!