Sunday, April 21, 2013

The dam after NF

Man, things don't seem to be getting easier.

I am feeling so wounded by this horrible fight I had a few days ago with my son. I am sure he is feeling that, too, but we haven't talked about it. Raising kids is so hard. Just. so. hard.

What strikes me is that that sort of fight is not part of my life at all anymore- I felt like it was an out-of-body & out-of-soul experience. I used to be more that way before I had NF, but since then, since that life-changing event, I am not that way anymore. Not a cold-hearted drill sergeant, not a fighter, not a yeller. It all came tumbling out, like a dam broke. (no wonder I am getting so many migraines these days).

Which dam broke? What really is behind it? The fight I had with my son was just the noise that the water makes when it smashes through the barrier. My question is why did the dam break... or better yet, why did I need a dam at all? What is there to lock up and keep behind that wall? The tremendous torrential flood busted out. Now what is left is coming out in drops of tears.

Why am I going through such a huge crash?

There are a few things going on that I can't publicly discuss on the blog, and I assume that at least one of them has the power to blast the dam open.

The other one is just me, not wanting to wear my life-jacket.

looks like Stephanie, of the blog I spoke about before, is also falling on hard times... finally writing about it here. Did she possibly read my post about her? I linked to her... bloggers can see if people link to them on their own blogs.
She ends her post with strengthening her faith in Gd, and knowing she will get through this round of hardship. 
Honestly? I could use a little more of that.

1 comment :

  1. So so hard to read. I wish I could help. Know there are prayers sent up to heaven on your behalf. Hugs, Jackie