Up all night. Restless leg syndrome is going to make me jump off a bridge.

...and then there are times like these.

Coming to you from a dark room in the middle of the night, at 3:48am, big event going on early in the morning for Shifra's BatMitzvah (she's reading Torah). I spent half the day with a migraine, the other half doing things that needed to get done, waiting for my migraine meds to kick in, I tried to rest, my body was breaking, way beyond the tired point with all the running around for errands for the BatMitzvah and kiddush. I haven't pushed it this hard since... Ya'akov's BarMitzvah?

I have been in perpetual motion for weeks now getting ready for the BatMitzvah. That is something the I need to avoid doing, it always puts me into pain and other bad situations. Along with that, I am still lowering the dose of the Fentanyl, raising the dose of the Cymbalta, which is actually *supposed to help* with restless leg syndrome. It's making it worse. It is impossible to sleep, no matter how heavily I drug myself, if  my leg is involuntarily jumping and cannot settle.

This could honestly put me over the edge. I gotta keep it together somehow, but I tell ya, having as much pain as I do on a regular basis, and now having this? No sleep? Doesn't particularly strengthen the will to live.

After I ran all over Be'er Sheva and a neighboring town a half hour away, Netivot, it seems that we all have our clothes for the event happening. Even Miss Picky is happy with the dress that is being made by a seamstress just for her. Thank the Good Lord. I went through physical and emotional torture going from store to store with her, just about every day for two whole weeks, and she wouldn't choose anything,  understand her. And I like who she is. We made a good team most of the time.

Now it's upon us. My brothers and niece have arrived this evening, and it is wonderful to have them here. Tomorrow morning (this morning) Torah reading, Shabbat meals for 16 each meal. Big Kiddush, in which Shifra will share her d'var Torah (which is, of yet, not completed), then Sunday night par-tay... getting ready early, going for pictures, etc. A. Big. Deal. And I can't wait till it's over! Monday hang out with the family, probably invade some cafe and order everything on the menu.

But will I sleep tonight? Over the past few days I have been waking up feeling like a flu is coming on, but holding off. Not a good omen for afterward.

I am wearing now a new, improved pressure garment for the lymphoedema problem. I am still trying to get used to it, but it is quite uncomfortable. It was made to exactly my measurements, and has the prosthetic pillow for filling the gape of gapey. It is sooooo tight, though. That is how they keep down the swelling of lumphoedema, so not much choice in my case. Also trying to get used to that, getting used to the dose changes for the Fentanyl often, and also the fact that I raised the dose of the Cymblta- any of these things can make me miserable with restless nerves and a shaky leg out of my control.

I'm going to lie down again and try not to whine too much so Robert at least could sleep. He'll be picking up lots of slack tomorrow morning because of what kind of night I am having. Please Gd, let me fall into a deep, satisfying (albeit short) sleep.

Oh Please Gd.

[Today I started the first of eight classes about medical meditation for chronic pain sufferers, This is led by the awesome neurologist's medical psychologists.8 weeks. Seemed very interesting. I'm in for 
once a week, every week, for 2 hours. I am so interested to learn how to possibly be able to overpower your pain with the power of your brain.]