Friday, January 30, 2015

Dialogues with a scissor

Night one of next lower dose of Fentanyl: I'm supposed to go down 6mmg every two weeks. Last time I wrote I told you I was at 44mmg.

Tonight, my scissor reluctantly, and with trepidation, in a quick, calculated yet so slight move, sliding one more line on my cardboard guide, cut off another 6mmg.

What will 38mmg be like?

14 comments :

  1. well, it's 2:05 here, and you're headed into your Shabbos evening... hope all goes well, and that you have an enjoyable Shabbat. Shabbat menucha.

    Best to all, lots of love, Shabbat Shalom
    Dev from NJ

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    Replies
    1. Hey Dev, well, it went OK. OK as far as pain wasn't too bad. Sleeping was awful, though. I haven't slept more than 4 or 5 hours a night for weeks, and Shabbat was no exception. I missed shul, of course, and can't invite anyone over for meals for a while, until this gets straightened out. Last time we invited people, was it last week? I had to leave half way through the meal to go sleep. It's TOUGH. But, it'll pass. Thanks for writing, babe! Love you!

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  2. All the times you upped it you also felt worse eventually. keep going. you didn't get here in a day. i am so sorry you have to suffer through this but you are so close. soon you will be in the 20s!

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    1. Well, "soon" is relative... it's gonna be a month before I see the 20's, if all goes well, but I will accept all encouragement coming my way! You are one of my biggest cheer leaders, Jane. Thanks.

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  3. https://www.facebook.com/l.php?u=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.youtube.com%2Fwatch%3Fv%3DYx9xO98kcBU&h=oAQGHm9qP
    (Clip from 1963 "Little Engine that Could")

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  4. It will be hard at first, then better, right? That's been the pattern, and my prayer for you is that each time it will be a little easier. Hang in there!
    Jackie

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    1. Thanks, Jackie. It's so hard to try to rely on a pattern each time, because each time I have stronger pain, I feel inside that "this time something is really wrong". Patterns are for those looking in from outside. I do try to catch patterns when I see them, and there have been some patterns with this withdrawal, but each time I cut a dose, I am not sure what will happen, if that makes any sense.

      Your encouragement is awesome, Jackie! Luv u.

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  5. On this Erev Shabbat, my prayer for you is:

    May the insomnia ease of a bit.

    Better still, may it ease off a lot!
    And may you have a peaceful, relaxed and relaxing Shabbat.

    Shabbat shalom,

    Jeannette

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    Replies
    1. Thank you, dear! It wasn't a great Shabbat for sleep, but that is how it goes. It'll pass. Your t'fillot help! Thanks. :)

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  6. Missed you in shul today. Hope everything is all right.
    Shavua tov.
    Tamar

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    1. It was just another near-sleepless night. Part of the weaning process. Thanks for asking. Things are gonna be hard for a while, until they're not any more, right?

      Shavuah tov,
      Sarah

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  7. Love ya, Dev! I was just about to write a bit. Got ya hooked over here, didn't I. :)

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