Friday, May 15, 2015

Well, the horn works! ...but I broke a bit.

OK, well, as may have been predictable, I overdid it. It was an awesome few days, but- lest we forget- my nights are still really hard because of restless leg. I basically didn't sleep for two nights (the first night was insane RLS and a migraine, second night I ran out of sleeping pills). Somehow I was able to be really productive and energetic during the days, so I went for it.

Today (Thursday), however, I landed in bed. BAD pain in my hip, stomach issues, headache, and dizziness all day. I tried to get up for a bit, but my body was having nothing of it. Slept lightly most of the day. Still am feeling kinda crappy. I do hope, however, to get to Azriel's school tomorrow morning to see the play he is preforming in for "Jerusalem day" ("יום ירושלים"- the day that Jerusalem was recaptured from Jordanian control in the six-day war). He is also going to play guitar- solo!- in the song "Jerusalem of Gold" ("ירושלים של זהב") for the school. Did I tell you he has been taking guitar lessons for about four months now? His teacher says he is picking it up quickly and has talent. :)
I really hope to get there. Dare I say I am going to push myself to get there?

Speaking of pushing myself...

Yesterday, before crashing into bed, I spent two hours working on my stuck horn valves. Well, lots of the first hour was having it soak (without any of it's slides) in a warm bathtub with a few drops of liquid dish soap in each slide to hopefully help break up the corrosion and grease that was gunking up the valves.

It was quite a lot of work after it had it's bath, but my loud cheer of "YAY!" could be heard throughout the house when the last one got unstuck.

Then I [attempted] to play Mozart. Then lots of low, long tones, just to meditate a bit on the horn, and feel my muscles slowly wake-up after their long hibernation.

Then dizziness overwhelmed me, and I flopped into bed as if a crane had dropped me. The two nights of RLS and migraines caught up with me.

I still have problems to solve. My hip still needs a surgical fix, and the pain is quite strong at times. I still hope, soon (the time will become apparent to me, I am sure) to finish off the last few doses of the Fentalyl. I also need to find the right species of pot that can solve my RLS and help me sleep. Then the next project is to get off sleeping pills.

Gapey aggravates me on a regular basis, and the [painful] lymph edema is here to stay, as is the pressure garment. I still need to get the lymph draining frequently.

But, with Gd's help (and a special healer in my life), these things I will overcome.
Today was bleak, but it is within a hopeful framework.

So much has happened, and there is still so much to deal with. All I know is that I am on the right track. What is permanent may never go away. Life is at a new normal- prototype 3. But this new normal is still quite a distance from the desired goals. All I know is that I will keep desiring these goals, and work toward them whenever my body lets me.

Sound OK?

Good night. I'm blown. I need a leg massage- the nerves and muscle spasms are happening. I need the proper form of cannabis to help with that. 

In a conversation with my Rav of many years ago, Rabbi Aharon Batt (ztz'l) when I said to him "it's gonna be good" (In Hebrew), he responded with "it's gonna be better". We are headed for better. I miss you, Rav Aharon. Ayelet, you are always in our hearts. :)

17 comments :

  1. omg you stuck it in the bath???

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    1. oh, yeah, baby! It loves it! Warm water and a few drops of dish soap work to break up corrosion and gunk. smile emoticon It worked!

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  2. Beautiful horn. I miss playing, wish I had one myself.
    Liz

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    1. I forgot that you played horn in high school! Well, it's not that far from Africa to Israel, stop on by- have yourself a toot!

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  3. I love this photo, love that you and the horn are reconnecting. Kol hakavod to Azriel!
    Leiah

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  4. Good luck with the anniversary. I know how they can really knock you about emotionally.
    Mary Margaret

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    1. The anniversary of the skin graft operation is on Sunday. I am assuming it will pass as the others have so far this year- without bravado. It's been surprisingly calm having the anniversaries this year.

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  5. Love this photo. (Less so that you're not feeling well).

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  6. you played Mozart? Already...yay. Hope you have a good week and enjoy your son's playing.

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    1. Tzippi, wehn I say "played Mozart", I didn't mean it sounded good. I also didn't mean I played it through, or even finished the first movement of the first concerto... Just about half the first movement. My lip and cheek muscles were tired after that. Somehow whenever I take a break, my "go to" is Mozart first concerto on the first day I start playing again. Then it's long tones.... low, long tones....

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  7. Love the photo! And if you're knocked out from playing, listen to Flanders and Swann perform their version of the Mozart horn concerto, "Ill Wind". It's on YouTube. If you don't know it, it will give you a laugh.

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    1. I know it well, Miriam. I've known it since I was young. All horn players do. It's Wonderful!!! (I know all the words....)

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  8. I like that you compared your playing to a dying camel...I always say a dying cow..so we are both influenced by our surroundings..desert and kibbutz. Shabbat Shalom

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    1. That is really funny! Shabbat Shalom!

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  9. No surprise at all that Azriel is good at guitar! He's got the genes... One thing that struck me about your photo is.... wow, your tub is really clean. Yasher koach. I also was tickled that you said "I also need to find the right species of pot"... this might be the first time you've used this term rather than "cannabis"... curious about your thoughts on that! :-)

    You're doing great, Sarah. You're tackling tremendous challenges with humor and good grace and the goal to strive to be better. You might feel "behind" in some aspects of life, but you are far ahead of most of us.

    Love you!

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    1. Thanks, Dev. So funny about the clean bathtub- you crack me up! That one is our (me & Robert's) jaccuzzi, in our bathroom, the kids don't have access to it much.That's how it stays clean. They have their own. It's also clean, but not as new as ours is, so doesn't look as sparkly. . :)

      And as far as "Cannabis" vs. "Pot", nothing specific went through my mind. Just shorthand, I guess. That and I am getting more comfortable with the whole subject, I guess.
      Thanks for the encouragement!! I totally don't agree that I am far ahead of "most of us [you]",... in what ways could that be true? My ccareers got stuck at age 39. i have a hope of renewing some of my music, but I honestly have no idea if that is going to get off the ground. You've been out there working, volunteering, making a real difference in other people's lives. I'm good here with my small world and my kids, BH, but I miss the other parts of me.

      Miss you... we are thinking of coming- just me & Shifra- in August. B'eH!

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