Thursday, October 29, 2015

sexism in hospital treatment, and 10-day update

I rarely reproduce other articles here. Usually if something strikes me as interesting, or a point of reference, I'll add a link to my writing, but directing readers to an entirely different article is not a common practice for me. Having said that, *this* one deserves this space. I can so totally relate to so many aspects of it. So interesting to me to think about pain in men being seen differently than pain in women.

There is a [fairly minor] part where the author talks about retelling the traumatic story. All the people around you have heard it, possibly many times, in it's different aspects, but for you it's not over. You know you can't keep talking about it with the same people, but it still needs to be talked out and heard. That is why I started writing this blog eight years ago, actually.

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I wasn't going to write anything else for this blog entry, but as I said, the story just needs to be told. Not that there is a huge story coming or anything, but just that today is the first real downer-day (anyone remember Debbie downer? Just popped into my head. Google it if you don't know. Funny stuff!) since the surgery 10 days ago. I have been seeing very steady improvement from day to day. Today is actually the day I am going back to Tel Aviv to get the stitches out and have the first post-op check with the surgeon. And for some unknown reason, today has been awful. I am in so much pain, I even took Advil for it. I haven't taken pain meds at all with this, really. A few Advils the first few days, that's it.

Every time I get chilled (the weather is very slowly getting incrementally less hot... I hesitate to say cooler) I think a fever is coming on. It's not, but I still have the infection fear so deeply embedded in my conscience. I am past the time of post-op infections, so intellectually I know it's a pretty good guess that I am OK. But I always- I mean ALWAYS- have that lurking thing in the back of my head that wonders if This Is It. That "do I have another infection" ghost. It is my constant companion, all the more magnified after surgeries.

The pain I am having is normal, I am sure. My glute muscle is extremely sore, as is the whole length of my thigh muscle, as well as the raw-feeling joint. I know that things were cut and lots of work was done in that joint, and it's going to hurt as it heals. Until now I had been feeling improvement every day. That, to me, was extraordinary. I'm just disappointed to be in so much pain today. You can imagine. 

Another complint, if you could indulge me? It is hard to stay asleep at night- I am a side sleeper... usually right side because for eight years now the left side has been the bearer of surgeries, and is sore and off-limits to lean on. Now after surgery (as well as before to a certain extent) the right side hurts and does not let me roll onto it. I hate back sleeping, so I wake up after having turned myself over and caused myself pain- either side. I wake up tired and not wanting to get out of bed. Today I just didn't want to deal with the pain. I came back to bed after I ate. I'll get up soon to get ready to go to Tel Aviv.

It'll be OK. I know. I am just so sick of hurting, though. So. So. Sick. Of. It.
Thanks for being here for me. I don't say that often enough.


  1. I read a similar article about how Israeli women don't get pain killers after cesareans etc I had to take Jay with me to get info from a specific doctor because he talked to me like I was retarded. When Jay was present his whole manner and info given changed. I didn't go back to him. I still don't understand how with all the specific tests you did they didn't see that your hip bones were calcified ..seems like a simple X-ray would have shown that. Hope your check up today was good.

    1. My orthopedist did know that there was a certain amount of calcification, and at one point he wasn't sure if he could do the surgery because there isn't enough cartilage. Then I had more x-rays done, and he studied them, and decided that there was enogh cartilage. But, there wasn't, in actuality. I am not at peace about how things happened, I think I could have avoided the next surgery by going for the hip replacement now if I knew it was totally calcified. Now I know I'm going to need another surgery. We don't know how long I'll get on this repair, so no telling when, and what;s done is done, so let's hope I get 5-10 pain-free years.

    2. We think medicine is so advanced and has all the answers but sometimes it's just not enough. I hope this will be a good fix for you for the time being. Shabbat Shalom

  2. I hope you're feeling in less pain and that your doctor's visit went well.