It gets harder before it gets easier

Bam... the hard days come on like a truck slamming on the brakes. Today I feel like I was in front of that truck, and it didn't completely stop in time.

I just don't expect it... truth is I don't know what to expect. Yesterday I started up Tai Chi again, very carefully, and amending the movements to simplify them for my thigh joints. The teacher is intuitive and patient, and I thought it went very well.

After Tai Chi, Azriel had his orthodontist appointment to get his braces put on. By the way, I am still not driving. My Tai Chi buddy drove my car to the lesson, and then our good friend who has been doing a lot of driving for us took us to Azriel's appointment and back. Azriel got his braces. It took over an hour, me sitting in a hard chair, it wasn't easy for either of us! His mouth is sore today so he stayed home from school. I couldn't take care of him much, and he refused to go to play with a friend after school was over, so he's having a boring day with me. Hardest part is that he hasn't been able to overcome a fear of being in parts of the house where I am not. We have a big house. It makes things frustrating.

Anyway, yesterday... I got to sleep at a normal time, and slept all night.

I woke up in a heavy amount of pain, and so tired that actually waking up was a chore.

I have no strength. I've been recovering for 17 days, and there are some pretty good days, and some awful ones. The awful ones feel like, yeah, I've been run over by something. I feel kinda fluey, and achey, and the post-surgical pain is stronger. Sometimes it takes a lot of inner-dialogue to keep myself in check, and not to let myself think I am developing an infection. As long as my fever stays put, I am not letting myself worry. I am way past the post-op infection time frame. Doesn't matter to my sub-conscious, though.

Grateful for friend's help, grateful for my husband, who is unfortunately starting to fray at the edges. It's very hard on him.

We'll pass this... I'm going to get better and have less pain. I try not to get too down. It's a hard road.