Friday, July 15, 2016

All good things must come to an end

My days have been filled with vacationing, doing fun things, my family, my father.

And two migraines have ambushed me.

My nights are the worst, though. I've been having creepy dreams, then I wake up, and all the sadness comes to me in a big wave, overtakes me.

By day my father needs me to help him through his grief waves. My own can't coexist with his. He is so depressed to have to set out on life now without his wife of 58 years. I can't imagine. All I can do is offer support and make sure he knows we will not leave him living alone in his house. We are looking into options.

At night my sadness comes out to get attention. First in the disturbing dreams, then after I'm awake from that, all this stuff ruminates in my head. I no longer have a mother.
Thoughts of her alive and well dance around in my active imagination.

I have a very sick friend in the hospital in Israel (I'll call her S). She weighs heavily on my heart, too. She is getting worse. We pray that the doctor Rav Firer recommended can help her out if this mess. Please pray for Shoshana Chaya bat Bassie. Give it all you got.

We're leaving the Connecticut house today. It is presently dawn here, and I have half a mind to go down to the dock- a few meters away- and take out a kayak in the lake, and coast in the quiet. But we had a rainstorm last night and the day is overcast and humid. And I should try to get more sleep. I'll miss this lake, and the kayaks, canoe, and paddle board.

It was a good week.
I wish that my mother could be been with us, she would have loved it, and seeing the kids so happy and enthusiastic.

I miss her so much.

But right now, my dad's grief needs to be held and loved. None of this is easy.
I'm going to shut my eyes for a while before the busy day starts.
The anti anxiety pill is kicking in.

Shabbat shalom from me to all of you.


"blue" in the butterfly house in Norwalk aquarium

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