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Did I tell you I finished the first draft of my book?
Yup! I had a lot of "down time" in New York, and I was able to finish the first draft. I have a lot of proof-reading to do now, though, even before I find an editor to send it to. Then to find a publisher.... all in good time. :)

OK, the good news is out of the way. I mean there is a lot of good news; we made it home safely, the kids are fine, lots of good. But this is my blog where I get to let my hair down and say it how it's been from the other side as well.

I'm exhausted emotionally and physically. I think it's jet lag, but it doesn't act like regular jet lag acts on me. I can get up in the morning, but I feel crappy the entire morning and afternoon. Actually, evenings, too. I go to bed early, and sleep all night, and don't feel refreshed in the morning.

I think part of this is that for five weeks we've been staying with other people, and finally I'm home and can, like I said, let my hair down so to speak. I've had to be "on" while living with other people, not telling them I'm not feeling well emotionally, just soldier on until we got home. I was really, really homesick, though. I missed my kids, and my awesome bed, my house, Israel. I don't really feel much connection with New York or the US anymore, this is my home in every way.
(except that my parents are buried there, and I went to the cemetery to "visit" them before my surgery. I don't know when I'll see them next though...could be many years.)

I don't feel well emotionally or physically. I'm not sure what's going on emotionally, unless it's also jet lag. It was one incredibly intense month, and I am still recovering. I still have a lot of restrictions-- no driving is the hardest one for me. Basically no using stomach muscles in any major way. That is a lot. But emotionally I feel just wiped out and kind of down, and I don't know where the down is coming from. Wiped out is physical and emotional. But real down has come around these past few days, and I'm not sure where it's coming from. I'm happy as a clam to be home, my kids are all [mostly] in good spirits, and it seems like I don't have a present reason to be down, but I am. I hope it'll pass. I'm just coming down from the intense five weeks, I think. And I'm so, so tired. Exhausted. That's probably a big part of the down. What goes up must come down. This may be the proverbial "other shoe" that I wonder about when things are going well. Like "when's that other shoe going to fall?" Shoes are overrated, though, right?

As far as recovering from the surgery, I'm on track. Or ahead of track, but the flying overseas really is making me feel not good. The pain is still practically not there, I am taking no pain medicines already now for two weeks or so. It was so much massive surgery, it amazes me that my body isn't in pain. It's now a bit over a month since the surgery, and I really only needed pain medicines for two weeks. There are a lot of restrictions on me, but that will take time I'll get my freedoms back. I am still in bandages, big ones across my belly in two directions. I'll feel so good when I don't have to wear those anymore. Then I'll be able to enjoy the real benefits of this surgery.

I'm yawning all the time, it's gotta be jet lag. It's probably getting me down, too, emotionally. I am very sensitive to all changes, and these were big big ones.

On Wednesday I'm going back to the day clinic to see my therapist, and get my post-out-patient clinic stuff into place. I get a social worker, and a few other things that will help me to regulate life. Remember, for five months before this trip I was going to the out-patient clinic every day. That changed when this surgery came up, but I still need some of the resources that I had there. That will come. And I am supposed to start at Inbal, the place where women who have been sexually abused can get free therapy. It is my next move for therapy. I already had an intake interview there before I went to the US, so I just have to start there. I have to call them. When I'm ready. I'm not ready yet, I want to get rid of the jet lag.

Things will look up, it's just going to take time. I really think it's normal to feel how I am feeling. I'm exhausted and need to let go the tensions of the last five weeks. Everything in good time.