New bionic hip next week!

Remember in my last blog I said I was going to the orthopedist the next day?

Yah, well, he looked at my x-rays and asked me what I take for pain. I told him nothing, except the random Percocet here and there when it gets bad. He couldn't believe I was walking without a walker, according to my x-ray it should be too painful to use my hip.

Then he says he has an opening in his surgical schedule next week! Aaaaack! I wasn't expecting that. But I took the opening. I've been in pain for so long, here is the opportunity to fix it. I just have to take what little time I have to get used to the idea and get myself ready physically and emotionally. It could be good this way, I have less time to worry about it, just jump in and get it done.

It will be at the private hospital here in Be'er Sheva, Assuta, with my private insurance paying for it. And the good thing is that they have no Corona patients because it is a private hospital. Until the public hospital (Soroka) is full, they won't use the private hospital for Corona patients, so that is one good thing about going private.

The orthopedic surgeon told me that the other day he put a new hip into a 90 year old, and two hours after surgery he was up and walking, and later that day he went home. I told him about all the stairs in our house, and I might want to stay the night just to make sure things are ok, he said no problem.

I can't *believe* I'm going in for another surgery less than a year from my last one- the reconstruction surgery- (it's been 10 months). I can't believe I'm going in for another surgery at all. I mean, I knew this was going to have to happen, I knew last summer's big surgery wasn't going to be my last ever (even though people blessed me that it would be my last surgery ever). I have two bum hips and a bum knee. Sometimes, when I'm going up or down the stairs, I wonder which hurts more, my knee or my hip. The doctor said he'd give me a shot of cortisone for my knee while I'm under. Hopefully that will help some.

We are still putting Humpty Dumpty back together again. My right hip is bad because of all the surgeries I've had on my left side, and all the limping I've had to do over the years, favoring the left, it destroyed the right hip. The surgery I had to fix it without hip replacement was not quite five years ago, and at the time, the orthopedist (not the same one who is doing my surgery now) said that he feels he bought me another five years before I'd need a total hip replacement. And....here we are.

The surgeon who is doing this is a complete specialist in joint replacement; people come from all over the country to have him do their surgeries (Dr. Benkovitch). I feel good with him. I just can't believe I'm doing this. Another surgery. Like I said, I knew I'd need this, but, well, ...here it is upon me, next Tuesday (5/5/20).

This will be my fourth hip surgery. Fourth, yup. Two on my left hip for the PVNS tumors (a year after NF), one on my right hip almost five years ago to try to minimize the pain. So it's not new to me, but that isn't comforting. I know how much it hurts. But having a new hip put in, that is supposed to be less painful, please G-d.

So, how do I feel about this? So many mixed feelings, heart and logic are at odds with each other. Logic is clear: it's time, I'm in pain, he magically had an opening coming up very soon, I am strong and healthy, it's a good time to do this.

Heart: Exploring why my body keeps falling apart. I mean, this is a genetic problem, also, my dad (z"l) had bad hips, one of them was replaced. But I have been through *So Much*. And I believe this is not my last surgery...like I said, the other hip is going to go at some point, and I don't yet know what's up with my left knee. OK, but that's not the heart talking.

I am scared of yet another surgery. I am not as scared of the surgery as I am of the post-op infections...that's my worry, as we know. He's putting a foreign body into me, and it is worrisome. I know he does this every day of his life, and his ratings are very high. But these things happen....as we know.

I am not unfamiliar with the psychological profession's opinion of possibly why my body falls apart, and that my abuse memories only came back to me when I had the NF trauma. They were put away in a neat little box with the top tightly put on for most of my younger life. When I got NF I was 39, that is when all the memories of childhood sexual abuse came rolling back into my life. One can say that keeping it bottled up for so long and not dealing with it took it's toll on my body, but what about now? I am dealing with the trauma, in therapy. So this hip stuff is just wear and tear? But I'm only 52.... my Dad was about 80 when he had his hip replaced. I don't know, it's a complicated package, this Sarah package.

One thing is that because of the Corona virus lock-down, all my family will be home- even Dov said he hopes to come home from the army because of the surgery. And we'll also have his lovely wife of course, so I have a good support network for when I come home afterward. I won't be driving for a month, but my daughter just got her licence, so she can drive me anywhere I have to go. She's very happy about that.

Well, we're doing this next Tuesday. Getting a brand new bionic hip. Please G-d it's the right thing at the right time. All we can do is make informed decisions and hope they are blessed by G-d.

(oh, did I mention that this is the anniversary time period of when I got NF? I know I mentioned it last blog. May 2nd is when I was in the hospital, blood pressure dangerously low, surgery for NF, coma, skin graft surgery, month in hospital, etc... that was all in this time period, now 13 years ago. So here is my next chance at Tikun- rectification of an event in life. It's all about tikun, isn't it? Fixing what is wrong in the world? Still, though, the timing is a little freaky for me.)

Sarah Rachel bat Tova