Celebrating the good, and living with the bad

Happy 74th birthday, Israel. It's the eve of Yom Ha'atzma'ut, Israel's independence day. One of the most beautiful holidays of the year. We just got back from the prayers with singing and dancing. It's very very special.

Unfortunately I was in pretty severe pain the whole time. I walked a lot today, partly enthusiastic because of my physical therapist who told me to walk a little bit each day. I walked a lot more than a little bit.

I have two physical therapists, PT man and PT woman. One is through the health fund, and one is private. I went to the private one when the health fund couldn't give me enough time with the PT from there. So I am more with PT woman. I think she zeroed in on where the pain is coming from, and how to deal with it (after the standard shock reaction as I retold my medical history). I am, at the same time optimistic, and depressed. It's a hard balance. If I get too optimistic I overdo it. Then I get depressed and feel this pain will never go away. Mind you, overdoing it is not hard to do. One circle around the park near my house and going to the mall today was way overdoing it. It'd be nothing for most fit people my age.

She thinks that the pain is partially referred pain from my belly, where all the hard surgeries were (and half the mesh remains), and partially from the piriformis muscle and nerve around my hip. Also my gluteus muscles are very painful. All around my hip area and left side of my stomach hurts. Also there are adhesions all around that area. PT woman (Dina) is doing a mixture of deep tissue massage (very painful even though she says she isn't using much pressure), ultrasound (not at all painful) and exercises. PT man (Itzik) is doing exercises and dry needling. The dry needling is SOOOO painful, I hate it. I'm not sure it's helping, but I have to give it time I guess.

Part of me thinks that the PT has a chance of working, and part of me thinks that I'll need another surgery after all this hard work I'm putting in. It can't be bad to put in the work, that's for sure. And I want to avoid surgery like the plague. It would just leave me with more adhesions later on. But, a procedure that might be worthwhile is one that can disconnect the painful nerves, then they won't hurt me anymore. I don't know.

I'm continuing to go to the gym, and Dina wants me to get on the elliptical machine also. I don't usually get on the elliptical, it hurts. She said to do 6 minutes, taking breaks if I need to. Those are muscles I need to build up. I always do 10 to 12 kilometers on the exercise bike, that doesn't hurt thankfully, then use the weight machines alternating between upper and lower body exercises. Then for the last 20 minutes or half hour I do stretches and floor exercises. I've added in the physical therapy exercises. I have to keep going to the gym, except if I am in too much pain.

At the end of each PT session Dina tapes up the whole area with kenesio-tape. I feel that that helps a lot, actually.

I see my orthopedic oncologist at the end of the month. I might put that appointment off for another month to give the PT more of a chance to hopefully influence the severity of the pain..

I cancelled my appointment with my general practitioner; I didn't want to ask for a CT scan. I just don't want to emotionally invest more into this pain than I already have to. I don't want to involve my New York surgeon yet. I'm not sure if ever. Just not sure. Until I know if the PT is going to really help or not, I'm not going to pursue another avenue.

Going up north tomorrow to see Dov and his family to celebrate Yom Ha'atzma'ut together with the whole family, plus extended family. It's going to be very special. Looking forward, especially to holding my little granddaughter! Thank Gd for holidays, and for family.