in the middle of the night

All Shabbat I found myself composing in my head the letter to the surgeon who I feel is responsible for the nf, and indirectly everything that has followed. I woke up at 2:30AM, and had to work hard to keep myself from the magnetic pull for a pen or for my computer... the text was just flowing through my head. I'm sure it'll come back when it's supposed to. I was up for quite some time with these feelings, and crying too. It's somehow cathartic to cry in the quiet of night when the house is sleeping, and it can just be me & my feelings. But, the letter composition wouldn't quit, so I wound up taking half of a sleeping pill to end the noise in my head.

Anyway, I have decided I will write to him. I may or may not send it to him, but feel I have to get it out. I may post it here when I'm done.