update on three fronts (long post... make a cup 'o coffee and settle in!)

I surprised myself with how much I accomplished yesterday.

The three fronts are: therapist, physician (leg pain), and noise sensitivity follow-up with ENT.

While on my walk with Emma, I called my MD therapist (drug follow-up, not psychologist for real therapy). I had put that off for so long because I didn't feel like calling her. I don't like her very much. My last visit with her (2 weeks ago) I walked out of. She is feeling insulted about that. I have no patience to worry about her sensitivities, and I walked out because she is unable to get things moving to help me.

So, I called her and just basically said "what is happening with the therapist you are supposed to set up to work with me?" She gave a weak, unsure answer about the health care provider (Israeli HMO, called Kupat Cholim), and getting the proper approval, I should call her in a few days... same ol same ol. So, then Robert called her and gave her 'what-for'. He managed to get a few phone numbers from her to follow up ourselves without her. Then I wrote an email to another connection I have there, higher up than my doctor. He said he'd follow-up on it "discreetly" because I am not his patient. OK, that is in the works. I hope.

Then I called my family physician to follow-up on the leg pain ordeal. (I really surprised myself with the ability to just make these calls). He said that the tests (ultrasound, x-ray) were negative, but the blood count is a little low- white blood cells as well as red blood cells are low. I think it could be a diet problem. I am a vegetarian and have to put work into it to eat a balanced meal, and dealing with depression zaps the positive energy I need to create good meals for myself. Or the low W/R blood cell count could be some other indication. He is sending me for an MRI for the hip/thigh to get a more detailed picture if anything is happening.

AND... as if y'all aren't impressed enough, I called the ENT specialist to discuss options for help after the hearing test, and the sensitivity problems. Appointment set for next Tuesday. I got a double appointment because we also have to discuss the possible tonsillectomy for Azriel. I am not really ready for that discussion, but Azriel needs help, and I am his mother.

Mind you, I was depressed and sick feeling *all day* with a low grade fever hovering around. I cried in Robert's arms just to get through this all. This was not a(n?) heroic day, but I did it.

Not only that, but later in the afternoon we celebrated Dov's 10th birthday... 3 weeks late, but he didn't mind. That was a very hard one for me, but I was there, perhaps in shell more than soul, but I was there (on lots of Advil), which I had to push to do, for him. Taking a bunch of 10-year-olds to a Garfield film (complete with popcorn) and then out to pizza was a Challenge in the grand order for me. Robert was the MC, and we had a store bought cake; also a point of hardship for me. I *always* make the birthday cakes. I cried over that one, too, when I realized I just didn't have the strength to stand and concentrate and bake and frost that cake. I apologized to Dov for not making it, and he gave me a big hug and said he understands. He's an amazing kid. Amazing.

It was hard to get to sleep, my system was too wired, and my body too uncomfortable. Took a sleeping pill and curled up in front of the TV and fell asleep. I never do that. I the type of person who always gets myself to bed. I just needed to let go and Not Do Anything. TV (with the volume almost at zero) can distract me enough to get off the gerbil wheel and zone out.

Today... follow up to get approval for MRI (one phone call for the time being), and cope with Robert going to work all afternoon & evening; he comes home usually after the children are already in bed. The nanny will be here, but it is more pressure just the same as long as Robert is gone.

Gonna walk Emma now and have quiet time. I look forward to that every day with her.