Wednesday, December 31, 2008

The 'Boom-booms"

Huddled in our sealed room, the children and I (with Emma, also, of course) heard two loud booms. We were barred up in that room because we had just heard the siren sounding a warning of an impending missile attack. Dov & Ya'akov helped get Azriel out of bed, heavy with sleep, and I got Shifra out of bed and guided her, half asleep, down the stairs.

Be'er Sheva is now clearly on their itinerary. We knew it would be. When hearing where Hamas's missiles can fall, it was logical that it could be here, too. So, last night was our first taste. Then twice this morning again we were settled into the sealed room, otherwise known as my doula practice room. Nice room, if we have to spend stressful times somewhere, if I do say so myself. Complete with phone & wi-fi, but not if the power fails. Now I have also put in there Azriel's potty, a few blankets (it's cold here at night!), bottles of water, crackers, and our short wave radio which my father gave us. And a flashlight.

After the two little ones got back to bed, Ya'akov, Dov & I got onto the internet to see where the missles fell. The Robert called to see that we are all OK.

I spent a half hour or so talking to the boys in their beds about the situation. We sang Hebrew songs about not being scared, and talked extensively about Hashem's protection and strength. They finally were able to say the bedtime Sh'ma and settle in to sleep.

Then 4AM came. I woke up startled and terrified from a nightmare. I was sweating and my heart was racing. In the dream, criminals were escorted by police into my house. I lived, apparently, in the upper floor of the police station. When I saw them parading by, I (alone, no family around) closed the lights, the shades, and pressed myself into a corner to shake in fear. I made a plan for when they will come for me. I was alone, then I heard voices... close by.

When I woke up, I had to study my bed room and surroundings to get my bearings. I had to stand up, lying in bed didn't work for me. Robert was asleep on the couch, so I really was alone up there. When I stood up, trusty Emma came to me, stretching her limbs with tired comfy-ness. Not *so* alone, as I had felt. :-) I love that dogie.

Then I wanted a cup of tea, and I wanted to wake Robert. I came down and heard Azriel's voice, talking to Dov. This was 4AM. I came down and saw them in Dov's bed, and Azriel was talking a blue streak about 'the boomboom'. He said "we need Aba to fix the boomboom!" Aba, (Robert) wasn't with us in the sealed room last night, he was out. Apparently, this disturbed Wazi, but he never said one word the whole time from when we woke him to when we put him down again. Not one word. I thought he was half asleep and not taking in much. I underestimated him. His little subconscious mind was busy all night. At 4AM he went to his big brother, woke him up, to talk about it. I picked up the sweetest little thing in the world and talked to him in 3-year-old language about the boombooms. He said also that it is because of "like Ya'akov's new hicoter [helicopter], but *REAL*!" He knew, and he wanted to talk about it. It is real, even to him, even in the middle of the night. I took him to see Aba (his Hero) to see that he is OK. Dov wanted to protect Azriel, but was relieved to be able to go back to sleep, he was sick yesterday.

Robert, Wazi & I drank something (tea for us, Wazi's milky bottle for him), then went upstairs to sleep. Azriel flatly refused to sleep in his own bed, even with one of us with him. I understand that. So he came to our room, and fell asleep between us. So blissful & innocent.

All day today he's been talking still about the boomboom. Many times he repeats: "we not goin to school because o da Boomboom, wight?" Ya'akov has been playing with his new remote helicopter (thanks cousin Howard!) with his friend, and dropping bombs on Hamas. That's my kids' play today. I'm glad they feel free enough to talk about it and play about it.

Don't know how long school will be closed. One missile landed on a kindergarten, and one on an elementary school today, so it looks like it'll be a while. Oy.

As for us, the adults, we are staying put. We have invitations from friends and family in other parts of the country which are not in the line of fire these days, but we will stay home. We don't want to give them what they want- scared and fearful Jews running from their rightful homes. I won't do it. This is my home, and this is my land. I am staying.

I am trying to deal calmly with my PTSD which wants to flare it's fiery nostrils today. I'm going to be OK. I need quiet and rest, with the help of Gd.

May Hashem protect all of us.


  1. Thanks for sharing!!

    Sounds like you are doing a wonderful job allowing your kids to express what they are feeling about all this.

    We are visiting with you in spirit!

  2. I'm so glad to hear that you are all ok and that the kids are finding an outlet to help them deal too. Hopefully this will be over soon.

  3. Sara,

    Stay safe. I've been thinking of you and the family all this week, and it's heartening to know that you are all together and on top of this horrible situation.
    Carolyn (Nana) Brod