Tuesday, January 27, 2009

I just want to rest. A lot.

I feel the release of being over the hump of the pressures of the last few months. The MRI is done, I am waiting now to have it analyzed. That takes a week-10 days. I probably will get another opinion as well because it is well known that different doctors will find different things in the same MRI.

It was a rather unpleasant test, but it's done. It is soooo loud. They give you head phones to protect your ears, but I felt like I was in a subway station all around my head. Also the position they put me in for 45 minutes during the test was painful. I never lay on my back with no pillows under my legs, and I was like that for 45 minutes. I had to slowly get up afterward, and creek my hip back into action.

The hospital was so big, and I got lost trying to find the MRI place. It took 3 hours to get there from the time I felt my house. I was so wiped out when I got back, and I had a screaming headache.

The kids were all up at 8 when I returned, and the nanny had gone home (Robert came home early). Getting everyone to sleep, medicating Shifra to sleep, taking Emma for an evening walk, then finally eating something myself, it was all I could do to drag myself upstairs and get into bed. Taking off the pressure garment after such a hard day (traveling is so hard for me- no leg room on the busses) was a painful experience. I put the heating pad on my aching hip, but it didn't help so much. It was just very sore. I got myself to sleep with a sleeping pill.

Shifra slept all night! How great. And yes, in the light of day we slammed that mosquito to kingdom come. ;->

So of course, I put the CD into my computer to check it out. There was no evaluation with it, so I just did it to see the cool pictures. I saw that I am so asymmetric inside. It's not only outside. It makes sense, but it didn't occur to me that it would look that way. There are pictures of the whole pelvis and both thighs so it is easy to compare. I know the NF surgery took away some muscle and some ligament, but actually seeing it is weird. I diagnosed myself with "lopsided zogshtern-floofer disease". I can only hope it's not degenerative. :-) There seemed to me to be some anomolies in the left hip, but I don't really know what I am looking at, of course. We'll just have to wait and see.

So, the war has quieted down in my city, Azriel is 100% better, Shifra is on the mend (and still on antibiotics until her blood count tomorrow), and my MRI is done. I slept until 10:30am this morning (most amazing husband in the world award to Robert), and I am still tired. I pray that my migraines will subside. I have had a few weeks of migraines almost every night, with nausea. So much pressure.

I know I can stand up to the pressure. I can do it, I can get through a lot of hardship. I know that, and I know it is an asset. But I don't want to anymore. I want to rest. Dear Lord, can I please rest without it being at anyone's expense?


  1. You've made it over that hump you've been dreading for a while now. Congratulations. Sometimes worrying about it is the hard part. Sounds like the actuality was right up there with the worrying this time what with the pox and infections, etc.

    Take this week and do those things that will be most restful and rejuvinating for you. It will get better once shiffy has a few nights of good sleep and hence you do too. A good week of rest and self care will definitely help your immune system in the short run. Hopefully this will help you to require less help from others in the longer run.

    Hope that makes sense as I write it almost exhausted from my own viral battles that are wearing me down this last week. I've taken my sleep med to help me get to sleep tonight after sleeping half the day. That med hits me without even realizing that my writing gets floaty an unintelligable sometimes. Then I have to float back and make sure I'm saying what I'm meaning and vice versa.

  2. Sarah sweetheart -

    As I am writing this you are on the way to the emergency room with Azriel who split his chin open. YIKES! As soon as you are home pretty please give him some Arnica. It will help with whatever healing he needs.

    I love you. I am praying for lot and lots of rest for you.

    Love, Rivka