Thursday, February 5, 2009

I need an upgrade of patience

We haven't actually gotten to the mezzuzot yet. Now Ya'akov is sick. I am not that superstitious to say that it is because of not checking the mezzuzot yet, but I am anxious to get it done. Ya'akov woke in the middle of the night with a fever and an asthma like wheeze in which he could hardly breathe. It was scary. I immediately gave him a cough/antihistamine syrup along with a fever medicine, and 15 minutes later his breathing loosened up again, Baruch Hashem. I was ready to put on hat & coat and go to the ER, again. This morning he is wheezing still and has a fever/ headache. He is home, of course. It's been a very home-y kind of month. Only 3 days this week were *all* the kids in school/gan.

I slept with him in his bed for the next few hours, and, of course, *I* woke up stiff (very limited hip range of motion) and in large amounts of hip pain because his bed doesn't have the pillows I need.

I went upstairs and got the heating pad revved up, and had to take a half of sleeping pill to fall asleep again because of the pain.

Azriel's surgery is in 2 1/2 weeks, and at the present moment we have the 3rd kid seriously sick (Ya'akov, croup w/fever) in as many weeks. Who's next!? We gotta get to this mezzuzah project *today*.

I also had a headache that threatened to be a migraine yesterday. I canceled my haircut appointment so I could sleep. I slept from 3:30pm-10:30 pm, then I got up to go to Azriel who woke up, and, who, in turn woke Shifra. The were both grumpy and it took me a while to get them back to sleep. Then Ya'akov woke up with the wheezing. I got back to my own bed at around 3:30am, and slept again 'till 10:30am. I got enough sleep (ya think?!), and my headache has vanished, B"H.

I think I just need a lot of sleep, and that's just how my body is these days. I think I am still healing, and having pain all the time wears me down. And, as of yesterday, still no MRI results. I did, however, pop it back into my trusty laptop to check it out again. I found a whole bunch of pictures I hadn't seen before, on a different heading on the disk. Had to check those out! I found something very interesting in this set that wasn't in the first set. It was done with the dye in my body, whereas the first set was without the dye. They shot it into me half way through. So, I saw a very distinct white oval lodged between my thigh bone & outside layer of soft tissue. It pushes muscle out of it's way, and also the bone is a little crooked because of this blob. In some pictures it's a black shadow oval, and in others it's white (different shading options, I guess), but it is in all the photos, *and* it is exactly where I have the pain which is sore to the touch. This pain I've had since the cellulitis, and it is the same place (aka, Shapey). It is not on the right (healthy) thigh at all in any picture.

So, I'm no MRI reader dude, but it looks suspicious. I wonder if it is a cyst of some sort that formed after the cellulitis, or some pocket of some sort. Seeing it pushing on the bone makes so much sense to me that I feel the pain in my hip bone, and also on the skin to the touch. Anyway, finding this new angle on the MRI disk just makes me more impatient to get the formal results already. I am not letting my thoughts go to the "tumor" thoughts. I am just not going there. Period.

I just tell myself that we don't hold the steering wheel. We have the keys to the engine, and the foot for the gas pedal & brakes, but The Big Guy has the wheel. We know only what we are supposed to know and only at the times we are supposed to know it, no matter how much we floor that gas pedal.

1 comment :

  1. Wow. I missed a few of these and catching up is like riding a rollercoaster!!

    I will just suggest that you take what you see seriously, but wait until you talk with your doctor.

    Several times I was really freaked out by test results. When the doctor explained them to me, they were much less scary. I would have done myself a favor by focussing on staying calm and not jumping to conclusions.