About today, and tomorrow

Today I drove a few hours to visit a very dear friend who suffered a great loss. I was proud of my strength to get in the car and go. I just had to see her, she'd been through so much. She is OK, but I mean that in a physical sense. She is over the medical aspects (please Gd), but the heart aspects, as we all know, are raw and will need their own time. She told me she was planning to take off only two weeks from her work, and I was surprised. This is the same woman who told me a year ago that I need to put on the brakes and stop working so much, that healing takes more time than we think. This friend underwent general anesthesia just yesterday. In my experience, the body takes at least a week to get that out of it's system. The tiredness and the achey-ness last long after the day of the surgery. Anyway, I know she'll listen to her body. After all, *she* is the one who taught *me* about that. :-)

The driving was empowering, and the pain was pretty minimal. Long distances are better, anyway, because it involves less clutching, of course. I'm glad I went. I am going to rest soon; I first have to pick up Dov from his work-out (he goes to a personal trainer 2x/week), and Shifra from her friend. Then when I get back, I am [hopefully] going to be able to rest a bit. Zimrah will make and serve dinner, and I will be around for hugs, shma, and bedtime lullabye.

Then I have to get to sleep early. Big day tomorrow, going to Ichilov hospital in Tel Aviv to get the biopsy results. My friend Sabrina is coming with me, my SIL won't be able to. I am really anxious already to get the news, if there is any real news about this leg thing. The information tomorrow will help plan the future regarding the reconstruction surgery.

And about that- I have been thinking about it a lot recently. The two surgeries are very involved and both involve heavy risks. I have been thinking a lot about risk to benefit ratios, and it isn't clear to me yet. I hope to meet Dr. Gur tomorrow, the plastic surgeon for the reconstruction. I have a few questions to clarify exactly how the surgeries will be done. I called his secretary today and I hope to meet him tomorrow for a brief talk, after my appointment with Prof. Bikels (the orthopedic oncologist involved in the tumor issue). I have a vision of the final result after reconstruction, but a) I need to know how realistic is that vision, and b) how risky it is to arrive at that vision. I want the closure, I want a symmetric stomach, I want the hernia put back, I want to get dressed without wrappings and pillows.

In another post I want to really write the details of the reconstruction surgeries (again, not for the weak of heart), and a pros & cons list for the reconstruction. I think the cons will be more than the pros, but the emotions will be in the pros column. I think. I will do that soon.

Can I create closure emotionally while living with Gapey as it is? I could work on it... we all have the tools to work on whatever we have to on ourselves, don't we. I hope to really get some clear information tomorrow, and that Gd will bless whatever decision I arrive at.