More on The Psychology of Pain Control

Hydrotherapy today was great, like last time. But actually, this time it hurt a bit more, so I told myself to take it easy. I did some laps after the treatment was finished... what wonderful lightness, and ease with my body.

I finally made the call to the pain clinic. You're not going to believe this, but the waiting list for the pain clinic is two to three months!! And that is the smaller of the two pain clinics in Be'er Sheva. The larger one is at Soroka, and that wait there is ten months to a year! What does that say about the state of humanity? Are we in so much pain? Wow- what a shock. It took me a long time to even push myself enough to make the call. Are so many people in pain for long-term? What are all these people suffering from? There is so much suffering, it's really profound.

So, after putting myself on the waiting list, I decided to start on the regimen of getting my body acclimated to the Percocet. Today I did the half pill every 4 hours. I set my phone alarm to tell me. I need the alarm because by the time I feel the pain strong enough to know the Percocet wore off, I am again chasing pain rather than beating it before it beats me. I don't want to use it like an S.O.S. What happens is that if I wait till I am in lots of pain, my whole attitude changes, and I despair, and I wind up not taking it at all. I know that makes no sense, I don't get it myself.

But this is my decision for now, and I have to give it a good try to see if it works.
I don't want to feel like a martyr ("I'll do what I have to do, but I am in pain"),
and I don't want to be a victim ("I suffer because of this stuff that happened to me").

I accept things where they stand. I am trying a new pain control tactic because I have decided to see how life feels with less pain.

I just have to know that I still have this disease even with less pain. It's sort of like, if I feel the full effect of it, and I know I have to take it easy, I have an easier time at not pushing myself. But when the pain is under control, even if it is only by half or so, I tend to feel that I should be doing more in my life. Then I feel like I'm making myself a martyr. Vicious cycle, and I am in the process of reprogramming that operating system.

I still feel that "oogie" sort of nauseous, dizzy feeling with each half pill, so it is not pleasant to be doing this plan, but I hope in a few days that will go away.

I borrowed a cane today from Yad Sarah (a non-profit organization all over Israel that lends out all sorts of health and hospital equipment for patients to use at home).

I'll type that again, just in case the significance got lost in the explanation of the organization...

I borrowed a cane today. My GP suggested it, so I tried it today, and it helped take the pressure off my hip joint.

I have a cane. Please Gd it will be temporary.