Soap opera script writing

I really should be sleeping now; it's just after midnight here in the Mideast. I am in lots of pain at the moment, and I'm waiting for the Percocet to kick in. I can't get comfortable enough to sleep when my hip feels this way.

The concert tonight was fun for me, but I played under- par... I'm out of playing shape. I'd have to practice quite a bit more to get back "on my game" so to speak. But it was a light- hearted concert, and it was fun.

Fun is good, I gotta take it when I can.
Sometimes I feel like my life is scripted by the folks who write the soaps. It just seems like every day a new episode has to happen with a twist in it. I yearn for the power of inner stability in the face of these twists which I do not control.

Today's twist: I was driving to the gym for my twice weekly training, and I received a call on my cell phone from Prof. Bikels himself telling me of a "technical" problem. Seems that he booked the date of the operating theater without checking with Dr. Raht, the orthopedic surgeon who was supposed to be operating on me. Then when his secretary called yesterday to tell me the date, apparently she didn't know it was tentative. So, Bikels says to me I have two options: wait until SEPTEMBER to have Dr. Raht do the surgery, or take the date of July 27th with an orthopedic surgeon whom he highly recommends at Ichilov. I was speechless on the phone. Speechless enough to forget the doctor's name who Bikels recommended.

So, of course, my first reaction... call Robert. I need the grounding I get from him when these things happen. Then I was annoyed with myself for not catching the surgeon's name Bikels recommended for the surgery, should I choose to do it on the 27th. Robert suggested we call Dr. Raht to ask him if he knows this other surgeon, and what are his opinions on the matter. But, we don't have the surgeon's name. So, I called Bikels office back, and of course I could only leave a message, and he hasn't returned my call yet. Tomorrow is Friday, so we'll probably have to wait till Sunday to speak with Bikels.

In the meantime, I had an opportunity to talk it out with a good friend, and that was so helpful (thanks, MG!). My gut tells me to stay with the 27th for the surgery, and trust Bikels. Also, I'm in a lot of pain here, waiting until September seems just dragging it all out even more. I want this behind me already, and I want to experience life without pain, please Gd. I need to know exactly when the surgery will be, I need that stability for my mental and physical preparation! I will meet this surgeon before the surgery, but Prof. Bikels seemed to say that that would be only after I have made my decision, and not in order to make the decision.

I am leaning towards sticking with the 27th. I am ready, and I am available. Robert is available, he's off from his teaching job for the summer. (And my parents made their plane reservation already, but I know that isn't a heavy consideration. Reservations can be changed. But, you know, all the reasons add up, not just one... on the same tone, I had just changed Azriel's surgery, also, for August.) Another consideration that occurred to me today is that if Dr. Raht does the surgery, he will go home, back to Be'er Sheva, the same day after my surgery. He doesn't usually operate in Ichilov, and has no other reason to be there. That would mean, in all probability, that he would not be the one following-up on me in the days afterward, while I am recovering at Ichilov. I'd probably have another doctor, one who didn't actually do the surgery, follow-up with me. If I go with the Ichilov orthopedic surgeon, he'd be there in the days following the surgery. That feels more stable, in a way. I like knowing that any questions I may have in those first few days can be answered by the person who actually did the surgery.

Bottom line is that I don't want to wait. This disease is progressive, and I feel it getting worse pretty steadily. I walk with the crutch almost everywhere now, it is just too much pressure on my hip to walk normally, stepping with equal pressure as the other foot. It feels like my hip is constantly grinding a bruise, that is the visual I get with that feeling. And, with the loss of range of motion, the movement of having the leg go behind you as you take the next step; it is just stiff and can't go that far back. Prof. Bikels said he feels that the disease wouldn't progress that quickly to do more damage by waiting until September, but I gotta say, my body tells me otherwise.

I think I have to go with my gut here, and pray for Heavenly back-up for this decision.
Because the twists that are written into my daily script...

There is only One writer. And only by looking there will I get the stability I need to endure this. It clearly isn't going to come any other way.