I wish I wasn't so tired all the time. What is up with that? Even just normal stuff in life makes me exhausted beyond belief. I am still doing my [easy] work-outs with the personal trainer 2X/week, and still with the hydrotherapy. I eat well. It seems like my body should be in shape enough to handle a day's worth of my children and whatnot.
But it's not. I am so exhausted all I want to do is stay in bed. My kids are coming home in about a half hour, and I haven't gotten out of bed yet. Well, I did drive Shifra to school & Wazi to gan today, early this morning, but I got right back into bed afterward. Robert took the boys to their school.
I have to get up and make lunch for everyone- Thursday is the "early day" for the schools. Robert needs to work. He has like three jobs going at once, and he needs to work. Nothing anyone can do about it.
One of the problems of this week is that our babysitter (Ravit) hasn't been able to come. She is by the bedside of her ill father, in Soroka, around the clock. He isn't doing well. It is so hard for her. So, without her, I have been doing lots more. I took the kids to Hilary's pool (at her Kibbutz a half hour away) a few days ago, and I was "on" taking care of them for three days in a row with Robert starting up his regular teaching job for the year. Yesterday we had help from a lovely girl in our community, and she said she can come help more until University starts for her in October. So that's good.
But the bottom line is that I am soooooo tired. My head is spinning. WHY? I am a mom of four, thank Gd, I should be able to do this!
But my dang health problems. It weighs me down, holds me back. The pain, the medicines, well.... yeah, that's about it. And the toll it takes on the body. That toll started when I had NF, and still has not been paid.
I gotta get myself dressed to greet my kids soon. And make some lunch. And give love and compassion and a listening ear, and clean laundry, too. And show them that I am OK.
Surgery in 10 more days. Then another whopper toll to deal with.
Sarah, you have so much going on physically and emotionally. It doesn't surprise me at all that you are exhausted trying to do a normal full day's work. You've also had a lot of unexpected things happening lately that I wouldn't be surprised if you're a little depressed again. Do your best, thank God for your family, and give yourself a break. You're doing what you can while you can. Try not to say "I should...". I know it has to be so hard though.
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