MRI

As I was in the MRI "tube" at 7:45 this morning, and hearing all the loud sounds and feeling the heat in my body from the fluid they put into your vein for the MRI, I started to get really nervous about the surgery coming up really soon. I almost cried, actually. MRI's don't hurt, usually, but this one did. I needed to keep my legs both completely straight on the rolling table thing that goes into the tube. That is not something I do these days- straightening out my leg while on my back. I always need a pillow under it. To make it even more uncomfortable, they put an "antenna" thingy under my back, and on top also, and it raised my pelvis up to create even a more severe angle. I asked for a pillow for under my leg, and that was a "no-can-do". So, they very politely (thank Gd) asked if they should buckle down my leg to assure that it will stay straight. I agreed, because I knew that I'd probably inadvertently move it if it was "free". So, a half hour of that, plus the jack-hammer MRI sounds, and I started to get really scared about my poor hip and what is in store for it. I was tempted to press the "panic button" they give you, but I held it together enough to finish the job without interruption.

I received the disk just minutes after it was finished! Last time, in the other hospital, it took over an hour to receive the disk after the test was complete. So, I got the disk, and just them my friend DB comes up the path to meet me! We had arranged a coffee date for after the test. We hadn't seen each other in over a year. It was so great to have her company! We've known each other since I was pregnant with Dov and she was pregnant with her 10-year-old... both born in Oct '98. (Sandra, Beth, Kathy- can you guess who I am talking about? :-)

I actually ordered another copy of today's also, so I have two. One to leave with Dr. Raht tomorrow at Soroka, and one to give them in Ichilov when I get there on Sunday. And, it is always possible to order more, should the need arise.

Then I went on a 20 minute drive to the hospital where I had last January's scan. I quickly was shown where the radiological archives were, and I ordered it, and left. Easy- peasy!

So after a few more (fruitless, unfortunately) errands in the Holy City, I headed back home. All the driving was fine, thanks to Kermit! I like that car. And I like the CD player. :-)

Of course, once home, I just had to pop the MRI into my DVD drive to check it out, and compare it to January's.

Shouldn't have done that. From what I can see with my slightly- more-trained-eye at this point, there is noticeable bone mass loss. The right (healthy) thigh joint looks like a heart shape, and the left one with the disease looks like a mal-formed, whittled-down, angled bone. The two bones of the joint socket itself has no actual close proximity, and lots of grey mass, empty looking, between the two bones. Again, the right thigh joint looks like a heart shape that fits perfectly into it's socket. In the right thigh it is clear to see the cartilage surrounding the joint, and on the left it is clearly either non existent, deteriorated, or gray and thin looking.

At the time I was looking at it, our babysitter was nearby, and I told her she can see what I am reacting to (I wasn't vocally casual about what I was seeing, so I included her in it). She saw what I was pointing out, and was equally shocked.

This disease went on for too long. It is insane that from the diagnosis in January until now, September, nothing has been done to slow it down or stop it. And the many months before the diagnosis, when my general practitioner blew me off (and I passively let him, until I started to stand up for myself and go over his head)... it was just all too dang long.

I hopefully will get to sit with Dr. Raht tomorrow, not only drop off the disks. His eyes are more trained than mine, of course.

I am unsettled. What is going to happen on Monday? I assume they will follow the plan and only take out the parts of the synovium that can be removed arthroscopically. But what about the bone loss? What about leaving parts of the tumor in.... it keeps doing damage?

I need you guys. Write to me please... I am starting to feel alone and unprotected. And I am scared. And I go to the hospital on Sunday morning... which, BTW, is my little Azriel's fourth birthday.

My eyes are drooping shut, and my body aches. Gotta lie down, in my wonderfully comfortable bed. Gotta keep being grateful, no matter what!