My Father-in-law will need short term, and quite possibly long term nursing care. The situation with him in the ICU isn't improving much.
I need help. I can't do normal things. Robert took the kids out to the university planetarium today, a very special outing. Shifra didn't want to go, and I suggested that we'll get the babysitter to come here and take care of Shifra while she can get ima time, too. That's what she wanted. Instead Robert decided to cancel the babysitter (a financial decision, but unilateral) and take Shifra to a friend's house. I won't go into detail other than to say that I also needed the sitter to be here. I needed a plate made of the food that was brought, and someone to warm it up. I don't have the strength to stand that long. So by the time I made it downstairs to get something to eat, all I could do was take a peach and get myself back upstairs.
Robert came home quite late with the kids, and had to get everyone to bed. I told him I didn't eat because I didn't have the strength to get it together. He said he'd do it for me. He got busy with kids, then calling America to the ICU to get a clear update on his father.
I need help. He needs help, but he won't ask. I don't know who to ask. I thought of one person today with an empty nest who has offered to help, but her phone line was busy all evening.
Mostly, I am going to say that we cannot cancel the babysitter until I am better. That is that. My parents contributed money for that specific need, and we 100% need the help. I need the extra hands personally, as well as for child care. My tendency is to just not eat when things are too hairy with the goings on downstairs. I need help, and someone who knows how to prepare healthy foods for me and make sure I get it. The doctor said I should eat every 4 hours. Today that didn't happen. I am taking the morphine, and food is protection for my stomach, as well, with the medicines.
Someone offered to take the kids out tomorrow afternoon, so that is good.
I feel so awful that I need so much, and Robert's father isn't doing well, and things feel so unstable. R isn't planning to go to America now, thankfully. But his emotional load is heavy. All of our emotional loads are heavy.
I feel so weak, and that is just so incredibly hard for me. I have to use the strong Sarah to accept the reality of the recouperating Sarah. But it is just so hard.
You'd think I'd be used to it by now. Two and a half years of medical and emotional hardship and I still do not want to not accept this reality.
I can't imagine all you're feeling, but I would think you had such hope that you would have the surgery and quickly feel so much better. So it must be frustrating and upsetting that hasn't happened yet. I will pray that you get the help you need, that you and Robert can ask for the help you need. Many hugs sent from Pennsylvania.
ReplyDeleteSarah-I'm hoping and praying that this period is comparable to the almost unbearable pain before the baby emerges from the womb-in other words this is the worst and soon things will be on the upswing.
ReplyDelete(actually, I learned that giving birth metaphor from you).
Clearly Larry,Michael and Steven are going to have to carry the load vis a vis Robert's father.
But I'm sure the pressure and sadness that Robert is feeling must be absolutely crushing.The man has been nothing short of heroic throughout this entire 2 and a half year period.
Sarah-make specific demands of your friends-including us. What can we do?And just take things one day at a time.Maybe even one hour at a time. And eat!!!
Love Ken and Jodie
I hear you!!!
ReplyDelete(wish I had some magic solution!!)