Monday, October 19, 2009

Pieces of recovery (or, recovering pieces ;-})

Eventually, when you set all the puzzle pieces face-up, and see them all there in front of you, you see exactly how to fit them together. Then it all makes sense. But in life, you don't get to see the picture on the box top first!

Pieces of the puzzle: Today's triumphs, and tomorrow's hopes

Today was the first day in a *long* time (year?) that I managed the afternoon and evening without a babysitter's help. I cooked, helped with homework, and maintained good humor and strength. The pain is really so much better, it's like a miracle. Can I really recover from this all and restore normalcy?

Since the surgery a month ago, I have gone without my pressure garment. The incisions from the surgery were too raw to put it on. I wanted also to see how life would be without it. The answer?
Oh, man, it ain't gonna work. All day the skin graft and the hernia bother me. ALL DAY. Without the pillow filling in gapey, I can barely find clothing that will be comfortable. I can only wear things that have a wide, soft, non-elastic waistband, or a baggy sort of dress. Skirts are out unless I have a few layers under it. If I'm going to have to do that, then I need the pressure garment.

Gapey was itching and sore all day today. Checking it out at the end of the day, it is red and angry looking. I think it has an abrasion or minor local infection perhaps. I was thinking of putting the silicone sheath on it tomorrow, that usually helps with this particular kind of discomfort.

Bottom line? I think it is leading me to reconstruction surgery. I know last week I was against it. But I have to try on all the possibilities to see what feels the most right. I think I'd be happy I did it. You know, this arthroscopic surgery was kind of a trial run for me, emotionally as well as physically. Now that I am a month past it, and my pain is really much, much better, it built my confidence in the process. The surgery worked, life can be better. (and even better yet when I receive treatment for the hip Bursits. I still can't drive a shift car comfortably... but don't get me started on the car thing. That'll be for another post)

I also know that I can plan it. I know that the reconstruction surgery will take a long time. It is 2 different surgeries, a few months apart. The first one is for the introduction of skin expanders. That takes 8 weeks of filling the expanders once a week to create enough skin surface to close gapey. Then the next surgery is to do the actual reconstruction; removing the graft, filling in the area with muscle (also expanded beforehand) and a fat layer, and closing it with my own skin. And the recovery after it's all finished will be at the very least four (I assume closer to 6, actually) months. So, if I know beforehand what it entails, I will be prepared. As much as one can be, anyway. I'd plan on having a live-in au-pere for the year. That's the only way to do it.

Then, closure! And I can write a lot during that time off my feet. I can write my book. Oh, you know, it feels so good when I think of closure for this long road. Having the wound area reconstructed, it feels freeing. I may really do this. Maybe this coming summer...? In Ichilov, with Prof. Gur. Or, maybe even in Soroka; Prof. Rosenberg is there, and he is one of the best in the country. And it makes the weekly trips for 8 weeks easier to handle. Rav Firer recommends him right up there with Gur. He also knows my case very well. I'd go for two consults and see what the options are.

All roads here lead me to gathering my brevity, and doing this. I am young, there is a lot of life to live, please Gd, and I want to do this... I can have a better life; for myself, and that means for my family as well. In every aspect. Writing that... oddly enough, it feels like I am taking care of myself. I want not just to be a survivor, but also to repair the damage.

That is my vision.

1 comment :

  1. Good luck with your decision.

    Glad you are feeling better! May you continue to feel better and better every day!!

    ReplyDelete