Tuesday, October 13, 2009

Progress report

Is it OK that I am sleeping like 12-14 hours in a 24 hour period? Often all the hours are together, sometimes spread over the day. It doesn't feel right to me. This is how it was after I got home from the NF, but that was NF! I was in ICU, I had 3 major surgeries in as many weeks, I almost died, yadda yadda. You'd expect the body to need lots and lots of sleep after that. But this was a 4 hour arthroscopic surgery to remove a tumor. I am caught between "just give your body what it needs", and "this just isn't right."
It's a month today.

And no, I am not running a marathon yet. I know my last few posts have been pretty up, and I love that, but... um, yeah, no running really going on here; at least not during waking hours.

I can walk for about 10 minutes or so before it starts hurting in a hard way. When I talk about dancing during Simchat Torah, it was like 5 minutes or so, twice, and I was pretty shot after that.
Robert & I went out to dinner last night. That was really nice. Yummy tuna steak! After we finished, we went to the fruit & veggie place next door to pick up a few things. That was it for me, I was officially in pain. Walked *really* slowly back to the car.

I need to start PT, but when I called my clinic today, there was no news about the progress of the approval for that.

I am starting to try to reach out for the days that may be in my future that do not have pain in them. As of yet, I still don't believe they are there... but I want to believe they are there, and in reach.

I am still off narcotic pain meds, thankfully. I take Advil a few times a day, sometimes even only once a day. I almost took the Oxycod last night after R & I got back from the slightly-too-long outing, but I managed it with Advil.

But I'm soooo interminably tired. [BTW- when you see these late night posting times, they are usually after I had crashed at 8 or so, then woke up again, I take my regular medicine, wash my face, and check the computer a bit before I go back to sleep. And sometimes it is because I am awake with my body clock all fashimuld (Yiddish- awry), and sometimes I have a strong need to write at this hour.]

Thoughts are going on about how & when to possibly return to my doula work, but I don't have a target date. I've stopped doing target dates. I want to revamp my pre-natal course. There are things that need to be changed, and I don't want to take on clients before I accomplish that. Don't worry, I am not even close to returning to work. I have to get my sleeping down to 8 or 9 hours a night to feel that possible. Interestingly enough, though, I have gotten many business phone calls in the past few days. I refer them to other resources and people, but I find it interesting when these things happen in bunches like that.

There is other emotional stuff going on with me regarding the NF; the lawsuit, the original surgeon, and the feeling of wanting to move on, how reconstruction surgery fits in (or not), but feeling stuck with this all. (I get unstuck by writing) That is for hopefully the next post. Gotta go to bed.
Again, I love feedback. Keep it coming... :-)


  1. Sarah, you have been feeling poorly for a long time. You have spent a lot of time lying in bed, resting, and not being that active. It will take a while before your body gains all the strength back that it used to have. Until then, I'm sure you are going to be tired. You are making progress. It hasn't been that long since you needed narcotic pain meds. Getting off of those so quickly is a MAJOR accomplishment. Remember how worried you were about them? You are doing so well. Keep up the good work and remember that continuing to build your body back up is going to take time.

  2. Sarah,
    I wonder if waking in the middle of the night and turning your brain on my blogging may be hindering your ability to get decent sleep at night. Once you are up with blogging you set off a whole other brain process. Maybe if you just try to sleep or take an anti anxiety med when you wake up and feel you cant' sleep will help get back to sleep that would help with the not sleeping during the day. The nice thing abot a drug like xanax is that is helps you relax but doesn't keep you woozy and sleeping beyond about four hours so you could potentially be more rested and up for the following day (of course you will rest and at times nap when needed but maybe not so much). Jut a thought.
    Dina (DC)