I feel strong
I feel positive
I feel like I can get back to work
I feel like I can do anything...
This leads me to a quote from one of my favorite authors- Elizabeth Glibert. She was presenting her husband-to-be a list of her worst character flaws, so he would be warned. One of them resonated with me... it goes like this:
"I have far more enthusiasm in life than I have actual energy. In my excitement, I routinely take on more than I can physically or emotionally handle, which causes me to breakdown in quite predictable displays of dramatic exhaustion. You will be the one burdened with the job of mopping me up every time I've overextended myself and then fallen apart. This will be unbelievably tedious. I apologize in advance."
I loved seeing that I am not the only one like this. :-)
I really do want to avoid the melt-down stage. It will come if I don't try to pace myself. I am still doing PT/hydro/work-out every day, and I am presently waiting for a friend's labor to start; I plan to be with her. Today I went to do a breast-feeding consult, and I stayed too long, causing me to rush afterward to get my kids. I still have pain, and especially after a hard PT session like this morning.
I also got a call today from a new pregnant couple. I got a message, I haven't called back yet. Immediately I felt like "yeah! I can do this!", but I have to first find out the due date, what they are looking for, and then consult with my heart if I can do it or not. The problem is that sometimes my heart says "go for it!", and then you are mopping me up afterward.
Or, I commit to a couple, and then let them down by saying I actually can't do it because of health issues. That has happened more than a few times.
I know I just had two surgeries within three months, and I am doing rehabilitation every day, and I still have pain, and I am awaiting my appointment for the MRI on Dec 31st to know if there are any more PVNS issues to deal with.
I know I said I would just focus myself on the rehabilitation, and I am, but I feel strong like I can do anything. That is a good thing, but it can lead to an inevitable breakdown.
Anyway, it's good to know I have issues similar to those of a famous author's. :-)
Sounds familiar to me. When I read this the immediate thought that I had was to think about how long your "good" cycles last. Then set up a time frame for yourself. "When you feel better for X amount of time then I will think about adding something to my life". The something could be a birth or something else like this. The X amount should be a bit longer than your good cycles tend to be. This is all just MHO, of course, so use it or toss it.
ReplyDeleteI think you've already recognized that you need to focus 100 percent on your recovery and your family. I really think that taking on births --and possibly disappointing the expectant couples -- is too demanding right now. The calls will still come in 3-6 months, once you're stronger. There's also the issue of your exhaustion. If you do everything and then collapse, it then falls on Robert to take up the slack. Feel well.
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