Someone started up the rollercoaster without telling me

My stomach was churning yesterday while I was on my way to Soroka to pick up my MRI results. I thought I'd be all "whatever happens, I can handle it, I am doing really well, I'll deal with it as it comes..." yadda yadda. But the truth is that I have been chomping at the bit to get those results. I had been calling for a few days already. When I called yesterday and was told that the evaluation is in, I planned the afternoon so I could go there to pick it up, and also, while I'm there, go visit my lady who gave birth the day before.

The results are actually good. There is no report of a tumor, but there is a small amount of fluid in my joint. I'll have to ask Prof. Meller what that means when I see him in a few weeks.

[As a side note, the MRI showed my lower back with a bunch of herniated disks. I knew I had at least one- I found that out from an x-ray when I was 20 and had very bad back pain. That is a story in itself, but suffice it to say that I don't really care about the herniated disks. It doesn't effect my life much.]

So what is the roller coaster? It's that my thigh pain is increasing. And I feel the MRI didn't give a good reason why.

I found myself very irritable last night, and it was a pretty bad night. It was partly due to the rigorous PT session I had yesterday morning. Revital (my physical therapist) is working me very hard. She is very good at what she does, and she has been increasing my strength level weekly. I gotta tell you- it is *hard*. I was quite sore after that. Even today my stomach muscles are sore, and my thigh (only the left, although I exercise both of them equally) is very stiff and sore. Anyway, I was v e r y irritable last night, as I said, and it was mainly because of trying to digest the MRI results (I had also spent an hour with my client, helping her with nursing her 36-hour-old baby). I had no time to myself after I got home from the hospital, and that was, apparently, not a doable transition for me at the time.

About the MRI, I had the the feeling of... "well, if they haven't found something causing the pain, then I guess I'm stuck with the pain". Sometimes, when I am feeling especially discouraged (despairing, even), I have a tendency to add the word "forever" to the end of that sentence.

I had no time to talk it over with Robert (kids were all up, baths needed to be done, homework was still not finished), or work it out on my own, or write. So, my pressure cooker let off steam. And my family suffered. I'm sad about that today.

And I presently have a migraine.

Recovery is a very bumpy road, isn't it.