Sunday, April 11, 2010

work and pain

Just got off a 20 hour birth.
It was so beautiful, powerful, trusting of the natural process, and loving.

Not five minutes after the baby was finally out, the call came in from couple #2. They are starting up.

I am in way too much hip pain to handle another birth tomorrow. I need sleep and restoration. I may have to call upon my back-up. But it just is not that easy. These couples DEPEND on me. We have formed a trusting bond for at lest 3 months. I feel responsible to them, and feel like I have to push to be there for them.

But this time I just may not be able to. At least for the early part. We'll see when they get back in touch with me. I strongly encouraged them to be independent because I need to rest well. I gave lots of suggestions.

I may not be able to work. Period. Ever. If one birth does this to my leg...?
My leg cannot handle it. Every time I test it I wind up swollen with pain wrapped all around crazy nerves and ligaments in there, and emotionally in shambles.

But birthing is *so good*, and I am so good at being labor support. The midwives all know me and like me. They respect my work there.

But my damn hip.
My damn hip.

Mean time, this week is pretty shot not only from births but providing post natal support, also.
What about practicing horn for the concerts in May.
Damn. I want too many things.
But I want to be out of pain. I have an appointment with the pain clinic in Rechovot on the 14th (Wednesday). If I make it there (IF, after all this stuff), they may be able to help with solutions. Also the migraines.

I'm there again-- trying to work and falling apart. Why does it seem that Gd thinks it's wrong for me to work? I am good at what I do. HE made me that way! What is the message here??? Please Gd, help me recover.

I feel like I have the PVNS. I know I've said that before, but I feel the tumor pressure. Or maybe everything there is just very swollen scar tissue. MRI in June.

Going to sleep. Praying so hard that the couple #2 can handle early labor alone. Please Gd, hear my faith that I know you are taking care of me.

1 comment :

  1. Sarah: I know you are good at what you do, but if you can't physically do it, maybe Gd would like you to write a book about it, so others can benefit from your wisdom? Perhaps his plan is that hundreds or thousands of others will learn from you in this way? I'm not trying to put pressure on you to add yet another thing to your plate (I know you already have a desire to write), but maybe this would be a good substitute of actually doing the work yourself. Anyway, I wish you all the best. I read everything, but it's too easy to not comment when the posts come in by e-mail...
    Jackie, Oct98