Prayer for forty-three

Forty Three Years Old.

I made it half way to eighty six!

Well, it's that time of year again... my birthday. Since I recovered from NF, it is stunning to me to reach this day. Starry-type stunning, and stun-gun type of stunning. Can you believe what I have lived through? Sometimes I am just amazed.Baruch Hashem: that I get to mother my children, that I get share life with my husband, that I get more time to live in this amazing country. All that stuff, it's just stunning.

It is so close to Shabbat now, but I just feel like I HAD to write. It has been stuffed up in me for a long time, and although I can't get into my true feelings of my life at the moment, I just wanted to post a prayer for my birthday:

Please Hashem, continue to hear my prayers.

Please continue to listen

to mine, and to those of all Am Yisrael.

Please continue to keep my children safe,

and my husband healthy and optimistic.

And listen,

About me...?

I already know that 100% health is 

out of reach.

I am at peace with Your decision about that.

You let me live through all this,

that was a lot to ask.

I know I'm going to have recurring infections,

and be on strong pain medicines,

deal with post-traumatic stress,

for the rest of my life.

There are the headaches,

the pain that can take over my whole body.

Nausea, tiredness.

It's probably all from the meds,

(and from the current infection).

I don't know what to ask for myself.

But I'm sure *You* know what I need.

That's what I want.