Sunday, May 22, 2011

We interrupt life for this report on... life after NF.

I have been living with the concept of this book contract now for a week or so. I haven't signed yet, but just a few details need to be written in and we're good to go.

I know enough now to know that it *is* possible to live with two realities; here, that means starting a new schedule of working on the book, while knowing that my life is no longer cut out for schedules. But knowing it and reconciling myself with it are two different things.
(MM- thinking of your wise words as I write that.)

I receive full disability benefits from the national health insurance. The board which reviewed my case over two years (before this became fixed and permanent) agreed that I can not be held to a consistent work schedule because of my health. The country does not haphazardly throw full disability to people for no good reason. In short, I don't work any regular job. Writing a book under contract with a target publication date is working a job. Not in the conventional sense, but a responsibility nonetheless. A new pressure. I wrote that, I stopped to take my nerve pain medicine. My thigh was fighting me and not letting me get comfortable in my bed. I hope it takes effect soon. I have been having more nerve pain. Note to self: call pain specialist to ask if I can up the already borderline high dosage of the Lyrica.
on schedule for tomorrow:
teach two hours of birth prep in the morning.
Pick up Shifra at 1:45, get her to art class at 2:30. Leave her there for another mother to bring her back, and go to a 
3:30 dermatologist appointment to check out local infection (?) I have on my shoulder; redness and pain at a birth mark for a few weeks (same side as the shoulder & neck pain I've been having for five months).
Go to Soroka after that for a
5:15 MRI for my neck (this is the one the spine & neck orthopedist ordered).

I interjected that there because I didn't know how else to make my point that for me, working to write my book, as much as I desperately want and, on a certain level, NEED to write it, is daunting when faced with a contract and a target publishing date.

Yesterday, Shabbat, I slept *a l l  d a y*. Deep, dreaming, impossible-to-stir sleep. 
The children woke me for Kiddush and Shabbat lunch after Robert & they set up the whole table with salads.
I gratefully joined them, ate a bit, thanked and blessed the Good Lord for the food,
then returned to bed. I slept and slept.
Robert cleaned up.

Can someone so unreliable write a book with a contract?
YES, if the contract and the publisher are flexible.
With the feeling I have from the publisher after meeting her, I do think she is the right one for me to work with.
God doesn't make mistakes.

Oh, and, by the way... today is the [Hebrew date- Lag B'omer] anniversary of the day I woke from the coma four years ago. Happy re-birthday to me. Bittersweet. Even four years later, talking about it to the right people brings out the tears.


  1. It sounds like you need a deadline that's far down the road -- perhaps a first draft in 18 months, a final draft in 2 years. Discuss your concerns with this editor and see how flexible she can be.

  2. even though we do not know each other personally, sarah, I feel that I know you through your daily writtings of your blog. keep up the writting ! I'm sure it's real tough, but you are a terrific writter and we are cheering you on! refua shlaima b'karov! rochel.

  3. Michele-- that sounds like a good time line. I don't yet know what the publisher expects. I will get in touch tomorrow with a literary agent and set up a meeting. Everything in the right time. thanks! {{hug}}

    Rochel-- thank you for your many blessings, and thank you for reading. השמ יברך אותך