Sunday, November 25, 2012

The here and now, along with some history.

It's not at all like the lion lying down with the lambs or anything, nor are swords instantly changed into ploughshares, but there is a ceasefire. I don't want to discuss this because I feel I am "discussed out" with all the talk of recent political developments in Israel. Suffice it to say that I am starting to feel like I can let my guard down *a little*; that I won't be running for our bomb shelter every ten minutes. This is good. Also what is good is that the children are finally back to school, and regularity is again creeping it's way back into our lives.

At this point in my recovery, I am waiting for an appointment with my orthopedist (Dr. Rath, as opposed to orthopedic oncologist, prof Meller), to discuss what to do about the most recent orthopedic development with the impingement in my right hip. (bringing the MRI with me) Dr. Rath is the one who did the impingement surgery last year on the left side. As much as that still can significantly bother me, the right side has taken front seat. Probably we'll be setting up surgery for that in the near future.

That orthopedist appointment was supposed to be for today. I had the whole day intricately planned with people picking up my kids, babysitting, etc. Then the hospital (Ichilov) called to cancel the appointment because the orthopedist has to go to a funeral. Now, of course, I understand that we cannot plan funerals. But this day was so hard to plan out, and I finally had it all in place, and it gets canceled three hours before I go. I guess I am lucky I wasn't already on the train going to Tel Aviv.

It was also nice to have a quiet day. In fact, I am drinking it up.

I wish an appointment with my orthopedist didn't mean I have to plan most of a day, and often the next one, too, because of sheer exhaustion from the travel the day before. If it were here, I could be in and out in an hour. Oh well, we gotta let go of the things we cannot control, right?

Now it is rescheduled for Tuesday... when my babysitter can't come, she has to move apartments! More intricate planning. Bleh. Thank Gd I have good friends and a strong support network to be able to do this all. (PS- I just got a babysitter for Tuesday. Done. Now I need one for Wednesday, then the week will be set....)

I recently have become interested in knowing more details about what happened that night when it was discovered that I had NF. Over Shabbat, I found myself asking Robert some questions. For some reason, these lapses in knowledge are bothering me suddenly.

me: "Robert- at what point did you find out that what I had was Necrotizing Fasciitis?"
R: "hmmmm, that first night when me and my dad [who was visiting from America] were waiting in the surgical waiting room, not knowing what was going on with you, after you went in for the exploratory surgery..."
me: I know that was when the surgeon came out to tell you that "we have a bad bug on board, it's going to be a long night, you may as well go home, it'll be better than waiting here and we won't have any news for a while".
R: yes, so my father and I went home.
me: yes, but when did you *know* that it was for sure NF?"
R: I think the surgeon called me that night to tell me he'd need to do a large surgery to extract the infected tissue and muscle". He told me it'd leave a big scar. I asked him if it would be bigger than the c-section scar, to that he said "Robert- look up necrotizing fasciitis on the internet." (he did, and was shocked at what he was looking at. That ain't just any old scar).
me: so it was long after the exploratory surgery and CT that they discovered it was NF? I thought it was immediately at the CT they got me back into surgery to debride the necrotic tissue, and that is when my systems (kidneys, liver) shut down.
R: well now I don't remember if they waited until after the night phone call I told you about, or when the surgeon called me it was already afterward.
me: I think that detail is important. I just want to get the whole chronology straight in my head.

So we may go over the medical file again. I don't know why this detail became important for me, but there is a reason for everything.

On the other hand, my friend Shulamit quoted something on her facebook website today that helps me try to leave the history for the professionals and lighten my own load:

Your journey will be much lighter and easier
 if you don't carry your past with you.

Thanks, Shu. xxoo

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