Saturday, August 17, 2013

Courage. My last night.

I'm leaving here in the morning (Sunday)!
There was no space for me to stay, so I'm hitting the road, and plan very soon to make another reservation to come back.

I don't have a lot of time to write now. I have to get packed so I am ready to leave tomorrow after breakfast. Long drive home. I want to be at Gikong at 7:00, also, so I need to get my sleep. Sometimes needing to sleep is going to be at the expense of blogging. I often used to blog at 1 or 2 in the morning. No more. It's for my health; I need to sleep at a normal time, and that's all there is to it.

I can't even begin to do a closure of this chapter of my journey here. I mean, I can't write about it was for me...what I'm going to change...incredible things I learned...etc.
It's not a small thing that happened here for me. Azriel asked me if it is like camp (where he saw Dov & Ya'akov went). I told him that it is a very special sort of camp where people- adults- learn how to take care of their bodies better so they won't be sick so much. Then he asked me if I feel better. My heart overflows and melts with love for that boy.

I did do a lot of taking notes, and I hope I understand them when I look at them again. The lectures were in Hebrew (of course), and I took notes in poor Hebrew and poor English. We call that "Hebrish". Not so easy to decipher, but each individual understands themselves, at least. Usually.

Mainly, what I want to write here is that:

I believe with all my heart that I will be healthier.
I believe with all my heart I am strong.
I believe with all  my heart that I am not sick.
(I may have some health issues I have to deal with, but I am not sick).
I believe with all my heart that I *CAN* get off pain medicines, with time.

My body will stop hurting me.
I will stop hurting it (with my living and eating habits)

One of the wonderful people I met here said something to me tonight that touched my heart. She said that when she thinks of me, one word comes to her:

Courage. That I have courage. I took her word and put it in my heart to live up to.

She is one of the people who helped me here. She told me that the first time she came she had pain in her body from different things. Now, two years later, with a few more visits to here and many changes, she is pain free. She also helped me so much with understanding how to heal the digestive system, regarding bowel function. I don't know if I can totally have everything work in synch until I am off the Fentanyl (opiate pain med), but I know 1. how to help myself now, today, with my particular problem, and 2. that when the day comes that I can be off the meds (please God), my digestive system will be healthy. I will take good care of it.

I am nearly crying; I don't know if you feel that with me. 
Hopefully I will have more words at another time. And time for more words.

Good night, 
from a tiny little place,
in a tiny little Kibbutz in Israel,
where very colossal, 
tremendous things are happening.

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