Friday, May 8, 2015

De-bugging prototype 3

Sarah, prototype 3, can never return to prototype 2, but the debugging process can be quite a setback.

OK, no energy or interest in writing a third person narrative today.

Remember when my neurologist suggested I go on "Lyrica" to help ease the Fentanyl withdrawal? Well, I did that. A very low dose, only once a day, even though the prescription was for twice a day. I didn't forget the digestive problems I had last time I was on Lyrica, but I reasoned that then, it was a much higher dose, (I maxed out on dosage), and it was combined with a high dose of Fentanyl. Or was that the Methadone time period? I gotta go back and look it up. The point is, I thought things would be OK this time, with a low dose, and low dose Fentanyl.


My digestive tract was (and still is) a disaster. Nothing's working well. (This even with the changes in diet). I decided, on my own with no doctor's visits or advice, to go off the Lyrica. I knew that was causing it. I have experience. The day before the holiday of Lag B'omer- this past Tuesday night- was the first time I just dropped the pill out of my routine. It was a low dose anyway, so no weaning necessary. Sleepless night. SLEEPLESS. My body does *not* do well with stopping medicines. Going on them is just fine, but going off? My body says "you're gonna pay for this, girl."

As most of you know, the holiday of lag B'omer is an anniversary for me... the day I woke up out of the coma. This year, it was OK. I didn't feel a huge need to talk about it, and going off the Lyrica and the sleepless night trumped the anniversary for me emotionally.

The next night, the night of Lag B'omer, we had a very nice barbecue and bonfire in celebration of the holiday. That was Wednesday night. That was followed by another sleepless night. Restless leg is back, I guess the Lyrica had been helping that. Last night, Thursday night, desperate, I don't know if I took three or four sleeping pills- honestly. Restless leg was making me INSANE. I didn't take the pills all at once, mind you- I do have my wits about me. I just kept trying desperately to fall asleep. My system didn't want anything to do with being forced to sleep. I was awakeawakeawake. Till about 5. Today is a total loss.

I WILL get through this. The Lyrica must stay out of my system. The main side effect for me is completely unmanageable. I dread having to start up the Fentanyl weaning again to get off those last two doses. The right time will present itself to me.

Mainly what I realized is that I should try to be proactive in getting the right form of Cannabis. The one I have is clearly not good for me. But I need that help with the restless leg- that problem is also unmanageable. Nothing takes it away, and I cannot sleep as long as my leg is twitching. I think what I have to do is change my provider- there are a few medical Cannabis providers in the country. I need to get in touch with a specialist (Jane- I haven't yet gotten in touch with your suggestion person yet- I was thinking of letting the whole issue drop, but now am changing my mind) and get the type of Cannabis that is good for me. The one I have effects my brain too strongly.

It may seem like tweaking, but, as we know, I am not a computer program. (L.D.- I am reminded of "Sara.h" :] ). Each tweak throws me for a loop, and usually costs a few (if I'm lucky, only a few) precious nights of sleep. And when a night is lost, the day is lost, too. It's not good.

May this Shabbat spread it's healing light and soul over all of the ill and hurting of Am Yisrael, and over the people of the world (especially in India)!

Shabbat Shalom.

Pictures from lag B'omer:

My face wasn't really on fire.... :)
me & my little guy, Azriel

Azriel enjoying the rare chance to be a big brother to a friend's child

Dov & his friends enjoying the bonfire
(Dov is the third from front, wearing the dark tee shirt with the blue lettering)


  1. Just read this now. No wonder you were so tired in shul. I hope you had a restful afternoon and that you sleep like a baby tonight.

  2. just keep hanging in, we're with you. Shavua tov.

  3. "Sara.h" -- was that something from me? Gosh, I have no memory of it (*sigh*)... obviously I'm getting old ;-). Anyway, hope you feel better soon.