Oh Sh*t

I am pretty sure the evil abdominal pain from last year is returning.

I called the hospital today to get an appointment with the pain doctor (who I just saw a few weeks ago and told him everything was fine) and they don't have anything until August.

AUGUST.

I was told to call once a week to find out if there are cancellations beforehand.

O.M.G.

Yes, everything was fine last week. It started slightly on Shabbat (Saturday), but I thought maybe it was indigestion, or ovulation (the timing was right), but since then it's gotten more pronounced and stronger by the day. I could barely walk today. This is so bad on so many levels. How can I even keep on doing the emotional work if this is happening?

I need the steroid shots and fast.

I made an appointment with an anonymous gynecologist for tomorrow, none of the ones I know and preferred could see me on short notice. It could be cysts in the uterus, or endometriosis, but I feel like I *know* this pain. I went to two different gynecologists last year also, and both said the pain is not related to "their area of expertise". I'm just covering bases by seeing this one tomorrow. I hope she's not a bad experience waiting to happen. I'm bringing Robert with me, for sure.

I can't even get that MRI that I need for the possibility of surgery this summer...the person in charge of the *one place* that said they could do it is dropping the ball. I call her all the time and bug her. It can't be that I need to fly to the states to have the MRI done the way the doctor wants it done (with picture cuts every 1 mm) and stay for the surgery at that point too. I need to talk to the surgeon after he sees the MRI, I need to plan. If this pain is back, I need that surgery to change the mesh to an organic mesh and remove the clips and pins altogether. The surgeon said he would put everything back together internally, then also remove the skin graft, and cover the whole thing with my own healthy skin.

If the pain never came back I wouldn't do the surgery. No reason, and it's very risky. But OMG, it's all coming back to me now. It's **baaad** pain. And repeating steroid shots is not a long term solution.

OK, one thing at a time.

Tomorrow I'll see this Russian chick gynecologist (please Gd let her be intelligent, wise, and kind) and do the tests she sends me for.

Then I need to see if the pain is continuing, or short term.

I need to get on the case of the MRI lady, every day, bug her till she can't not do it anymore.

But what about the day center and my CPTSD work? That is front and center now. I can't concentrate on that if I'm in pain.

Like the title says, Oh sh*t. 

And BTW, why put an asterisk?

PS- did I mention that tomorrow I am supposed to start PRIVATE music therapy sessions with the psych hospital's music therapist? One-on-one, to rehab my relationship with my horn.
Lump of crying in throat right now.....