Wednesday, September 11, 2019

Dealing again with loss of a loved one

I'm going to New York in the morning (Thursday morning). My cousin passed away, at the young age of 64. I was with her for her birthday in July, she was so alive, then the cancer took over. We were close. Things fell into place here regarding timing, so I'm going. I feel the important need to support my 98 year old aunt, who is her mother. It's just awful awful awful. My aunt is my father's older sister, 100% lucid and lived long enough to see this tragedy unfold before her eyes. It's horrible, just horrible. A parent should never bury a child, especially at her age.

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My abdominal pain is gone. I can't thank the Good Lord enough for that fact. That's why I can fly tomorrow. My surgeon said we'd have to wait at least until four months after surgery to pass to know if the abdominal pain is really gone, but I can tell now that it's gone. There is no more Gapey, no more mesh and clips, my body looks normal. I still admire it in the mirror when I catch a glimpse.

I am 11 weeks after the massive reconstruction surgery now, and I am not in pain. Well, I'll preface that with the fact I'm not in abdominal pain. I have been getting increasing hip pain, where I had the PVNS. I probably need another MRI for that, and perhaps another steroid shot into my hip. My knee on the same leg is also hurting when I go up and down stairs (which is a lot if you know my house). I made appointments with the appropriate orthopedists, but they are not soon.... a regular orthopedist for my knee is in December, and orthopedic oncology isn't available until January. That's a lot of waiting with pain, but I'll push through.We have a wedding to plan and dance at!

I do have other news, about the nursing school dream...

I spoke with my social worker about it, and she told me about a program that starts in November, and goes for five months, specifically for people who want to return to university later in life, to hone learning skills and train yourself to sit and learn again. It's called "mechina" in Hebrew, which is simply a "preparatory course" for the next step, whatever that might be. It doesn't count towards nursing credits, but rather helps hone general skills. I am very enthusiastic to do this program, I think it would be a good stepping stone for me before diving back into university. At the end of the course is a career counseling exam, where you find out what careers are suited to you. It sounds perfect for me. It's also paid for in full by Bituach Le'umi- the national health service, as a career re-training step. I'll know more after I meet with the person who runs the mechina, which might not be until after Rosh Hashana. Everything at the right time.

That's my life in a nutshell....mostly good things to report with a tragic thing happening parallel. I am very torn up that my cousin is gone. I can't believe it, honestly. I'll believe it soon enough.

Hashem works in mysterious ways. I just can't wrap my head around it.


  1. So sorry for your loss.

    Why aren't you considering going back to being a doula? I would think with hip and knee pain a standing career like nursing might not be the best choice.

  2. Condolences to your aunt and the family.

  3. BD"E May you, your aunt & the whole family be comforted among the mourners in Zion. May you all remember the loving & fun times with your cousin, and may her memory be for a blessing.
    May your strength continue to take you forward & may the Mechina be a step in the best of directions!

  4. Sorry about your cousin, but I'm glad that there are good things in your life now.