Medical inventory and other stuff

As I sit with my laptop I realize I am writing fewer and fewer blogs. Life has gotten to that even keel that I always prayed for when things were crazy. When I was sick all the time and going through hoops to get the health care I needed. There were some very very crazy times in there, we all know. I see other people on my NF support group going through it all now. I'm telling you, this reconstruction surgery I had four months ago was like magic. I feel so much better than I ever felt physically since I had NF. I still get twinges and pain from the surgical areas of muscles, though. It reminds me that I'm healing still. This week I thought I had a UTI (urinary tract infection). The urine test I did at the health clinic showed possible signs of a UTI, so we decided to do antibiotics. It was a one shot antibiotic that is supposed to cover you for three days, specifically tailored for UTIs. But then yesterday we found out that the culture came out negative, so I don't have a UTI. It must be pain from the surgery I guess. I pray I'm not getting more adhesions already; that is partially what caused my two years of pain before the surgery. They do come back after surgery, but I don't know how soon. So we are leaving it alone for now.

My legs are each having their problems... each a different problem. Right leg is suffering terribly from restless leg syndrome. It's always jumping at it's own volition. I can control it if I really concentrate on it, but it doesn't last long. It makes it hard to sit for a long time, including driving. It doesn't interfere with driving, but it is there. The worst part of RLS for me is with the horn playing. I need to concentrate on what I am playing, and the leg is just jumping around. It is very uncomfortable. The worst part is that I can't play with the horn bell on my leg (right leg), I have to play with my horn up, off the leg. That is fine for a while, but I don't like always having to practice that way, it is slightly easier to play with the bell on the leg. But as long as I have this RLS, I can't use the leg for anything. I think the RLS is from a medicine I take, which I recently cut in half, but the cutting in half hasn't made the problem easier. I'd like to cut the medicine out totally, but I have to talk to my doctor about that. I have an appointment in two weeks. In the meantime, my leg jumps. The Cannabis at night helps it to calm down so I can sleep at night, but I can't really take it during the day, it makes me spacey.

The other leg, my left leg which has been through so much, is having big time hip problems. I've had two surgeries on that side, and it's hurting again, like all the time when I walk. I think I need another MRI, but I couldn't get an appointment with my orthopedic oncologist until January! I have to keep calling to see if there is a cancellation, but I'm not likely to do that a lot. It's not an emergency. I pray the PVNS has not returned, that would mean more surgery and a larger problem possibly needing radiation afterward. But I'm going to think positive. I think that the joint is very arthritic and may need to be replaced. I slept with a heating pad on it all night last night and it helped only marginally. Oy.

I am going to be starting to learn jewelry making soon! With soldering and everything. It is a program that I can choose based on my "sal shikum" which is rehab for after my hospitalization last winter/spring in the psych hospital ("The Center for Mental Health"). It's most likely going to be short term, until I start the mechina program which will lead me into another career field. It'll be interesting to learn the jewelry making, and also be a creative outlet for me. I desperately need something to get me out of the house, for the first time in my life I feel bored. Sure there is enough house work to keep me busy every day all day, but I need more. So while I have applied to bituach leumi  (national health insurance) for the mechina program (which is the readiness program for honing learning skills for older people changing careers), it's going to take time before that all goes into effect and I can start. So in the meantime I'll work on jewelry making. Sounds nice, right? I'll even make some money at it, they sell the items we make.

I honestly don't know if I can be a nurse. If I can 1) get through the university level classes in Hebrew, and 2) depend on my body to put in those hours also learning, but also for practical nursing practice. My hip hurts after a shopping trip to the mall with my child, how can I do what nurses do? Unless it was at a health clinic or a private doctor who needs a nurse, that could be easier work. I just have such low self esteem with this all. But my horn playing isn't going to be something I can rely on to play full time anywhere anymore, I've just lost the sparkle that I used to have and the control of the instrument I used to have in my playing. It might come back if I work hard on it, but these days I do practice, but don't enjoy it. I am not at the level that I can enjoy my own playing. It's depressing. And doula work, well, I did take on one client to be her doula in December. That will be a good indicator if I can keep doing births or if I'm left in bad shape afterward. And above all this is that I've always wanted to be a nurse. It fascinates me. I'm just not sure I can do it. But I'm only 51 and have a lot of years to get a new career going, and if I don't do that I'll stay unsatisfied with life. By the end of the mechina program, they will tell me what they think would be a good career path for me based on my work at the mechina. That will also help guide me to what would be the right thing for me.

So along with the weather changing, I am making changes. There are some really beautiful days we are having now, fall is here in the desert. It's a little cooler during the days, and the nights are heavenly. Don't need the air conditioner or the heater. I love that. Let's hope my changes will also be blessed!