Looking at Israel and seeing my own reflection

In 1994 when I made my first trip to Israel, I spent some time with a friend from high school who was learning Hebrew here. My impressions of the country were confusing at first. When I was talking with my friend about it (Dev- do you remember this conversation?), I asked her what is this country really about-- is it a political entity, or a religious entity, or what? She said yeah, that is what it's all about over here. It's everyone's personal entity, and all of them are true for some of the people some of the time. It took me a while to understand this country and what it means *for me*.

That's a bit like where I'm at with the blog. Which category do I see myself? Healthy or sick? On which day?

Three births last week, and 4 post-natal hospital or home visits. An extraordinary amount of work for *anyone*. I did that. I suffered one migraine in that time, too, and took meds for my thigh pain which is back more than I am comfortable with. Is it because of overworking? Or is it a thing of PVNS coming back... Healthy or sick? I also got a referral for a neurologist to look into the migraine issue. Physiologically or psychologically based (stress- related)? Both, again, I assume.

This week has been a lot of *tired*. We had Israeli Independence day on Tuesday, and we traveled to friends and family for our yearly bar-b-q. Had a great time, and I also stole away and lied down for an hour or so in my friend's guest room. Not so unusual.

I haven't written in a while because I don't feel a flow, a need to write about my stuff. I wonder if you really want to see any more of my stuff. I don't get much feedback any more, so I wonder.

Some stuff just from today:
Put a call into my orthopedist to get a letter to renew my handicapped parking permit. He said if the letter I got 3 months ago wasn't sufficient, he won't write another one. Final. So then I called one of the orthopedic surgeons who did my arthroscopy in September. I'll have to wait till Tuesday to talk to him and hopefully get the letter from him.

Do I need the permit? Not all the time but yes for some of the time. I still have daily pain of varying degrees. Healthy or sick?

Then I went to my GP to get the referral for the neurologist, and also a referral for surgery to fix the big hernia (stomach wall, about 6 inches) together with the gyn surgery I need. I now have the referral, but am ambivalent about making the appointment and following through with a scary surgery in the gapey zone.
I could go to my grave (at a ripe old age, that is) with the hernia and not doing the gyn surgery. Or the reconstruction, for that matter. But when I feel healthy and strong, I am sure I want this quality of life improvement. But it'll set me back like surgery always does. Can I deal with that? Don' wanna. But is it worth it in the long run?

Healthy or sick... somewhere in the middle. Ideally I'd like to sum it up with: rest when I need to, work just a little (one birth a month, or a concert series every now & then), confidently decide to repair things with my body that would make for an easier life, and take it all with faith that my decisions are right just by virtue of them being my decisions.

But like the ambiguous definition of modern Israel, post-NF Sarah is having a hard time defining herself.

Healthy or sick? Yes.