What's the Deal, G-d????

OK, I am writing from the height of frustration at this point, so please excuse me for not using niceties. I'm really, really upset.

Remember I wrote about it being challenging to play horn because of pains and tingling from my neck down my arm? And that I am thinking it's what Dr. John Sarno calls "TMS"? Well, it is getting so bad that I may have to stop playing horn. I can't play for more than one minute without tremendous pain, tingling and numbness. Also, during all day and night, no matter what now, my first two finger tips are numb completely.

Yes, this is serious. I have been trying to downplay it. Because I need to. I can't DEAL with another &^%$# problem!!!!!!!!!!!!!

A friend of mine just asked me to play at her art gallery opening, and I accepted. I will probably call her tomorrow and tell her it's off. And I'm probably going to skip the orchestra rehearsals for a while, I can barely play, and the time in the car is too difficult.

This is SO UNFAIR. Haven't I put in enough time being injured? How did this happen?

I have a neck CT scan... it was done a few weeks ago, to analyze my throat actually, for the "click" swallow problem. There are bone spurs, herniated disks, osteoarthritis in my whole spine, and one strange thing- the only thing written in English on the paper- a "bleb"- some sort of watery pustule or something. WHATEVER. The CT says my left side is worse than my right. I didn't need a test to tell anyone that.

Tomorrow I am going to see a natural practitioner who works with pressure points, massage, and Feldenkreis method. Thursday I have a "medical massage" lined up with a new person as well. I hope these things help. I also have to get appointments for physical therapy which got approved from the insurance. I will overcome this, but as of now, I can barely practice horn at all.

Also my medicines are all screwed up. The psychiatrist of two weeks ago started me on something that is helping me sleep, but making me feel not-so-great during the day. I am also very shaky. I think the shaking is from my migraine medicine (Depilept). I went down half the dose, and I might have to go off of it completely. (I've been on it before and had the same effect with the accumulation in my body) I cannot deal with the shaking. But will the  %$##@  migraines return?!?!!?!?

All my medical problems since NF have been from the belly down (except the migraines)... now I'm being attacked in my upper body. I don't know why, but also my voice has no range, even just in speaking. My inflections are gone, and I feel shaky in my voice... what the heck is going on?!?!?!? I can't even sing to Azriel at night anymore; I mean, I do, but air comes out for much of the song. He sings to me sometimes.

Are you crying with me? I need to cry because this all SUCKS.
I just want to play horn again. And LIVE. What is the deal, G-D?!?!!?!?!??!?

Medical update

"And all this because of one small elective surgery..."

"Yup", I say.

Met a new doc today. I've been waiting months to see this one, his clinic is constantly backed up. So, since my condition isn't painful or detrimental, in this case, I took whatever appointment they had and waited.

I drove about an hour to see him. He's the ear, nose, and throat doctor that all the other ENT's I've seen about my throat click problem told me I should see. I first wrote about this problem Here.

The ways those guys have to examine things is really so unpleasant.... numb the throat with a spray, put a tube through the nose down the throat to see vocal cords. Then another scope thing to see the esophagus. I coughed, I tried to do what he needed to see stuff for the test. The exam lasted almost an hour.

By the end, he said he's not sure if he can help me. He's also not sure he can't, He's sending me for more tests and also for vocal rehabilitation (I've lost the upper range of my voice since my last surgery a year and a half ago). So, after I get a CT scan of my neck, and a swallow test (which sounds dreadful), I'll go back to him with the results, and he'll see if he can fix whatever "it" is. I've also had a chronic cough for over a year.

So far the biggest thing that came out of it is this: I should avoid any more intubations. (as if it's something I schedule in my day planner on a regular basis!)...
He said that if he can get this dislocation thing fixed, it'd be too fragile to intubate again. If he can't fix it, another intubation could cause more damage. I told him I'm going to need a hip replacement soon. He said to do it under epidural anesthesia. I confided in him after a little bit of thinking it over, that I have been quite traumatized by surgeries, and I didn't think I could do one awake, even if I wasn't feeling anything at all. He suggested other methods of "twilight sleep" + an epidural. He wrote it all down on the notes he was writing for me to take to my GP. He said anytime I may need another surgery, show the anesthesiologist and surgeon this letter.

The med student who was observing with the doctor today really got some interesting things to go learn about. He hadn't yet learned about Necrotizing Fasciitis or strep A....

Another strange thing from Sarah's life of medical anomalies.

(OMG! I was just doing a bit of research to find a picture to publish here, and I stumble on a fact: It is extremely rare, but one can get PVNS tumors in the throat. Anywhere there is synovial ducts and fluid, actually. Know that PVNS is a rare disease, no matter where it is, but I thought it was only in shoulders, knees, or hips. The doc did say he saw nodules today, and tumors from PVNS in the neck must be very small... in a few articles I read they called them nodules. WHAT???????)

OK, I am not going to put up pictures for you of anatomy of the throat and the cricothyroid joint that may be dislocated in me. Instead, I will put up pictures of two of my kids dressed for Purim yesterday. It's much easier to handle than thinking that the PVNS may be growing in my throat.

I had a red-haired girl in a black wig being a bad-luck black cat, and a Brooklyn basketball player. :)

those are *my* boots...

thanks for the cool basketball duds, uncle Peter!

We made it through Purim 2017. I layed low because of being in the year of mourning, and that suited me fine.... layed low, 

not including the round trip drive to the doctor and the difficult exam.