a bit under the weather

Although the weather here has been just glorious, I am somehow finding myself under it. (what does that mean, anyway? I guess that I feel less then glorious).

It has been a really hard week. Concerts, rehearsals, a class with clients, more rehearsals for a different series, doctors appointments, CT brain scan. Also life has presented us with some difficult decisions to weigh and get clear about.

It has been a really heavy week! I am exhausted, but not sleeping well because the whirlwind in my head won't let me settle.

I am also feeling a little... just not well. My body feels weird, like something is wrong, but I don't know what. There are a few symptoms that I have to check out with my "ladies doctor". I am hoping they have nothing to do with the possibility of my bladder getting involved with the hernia near it. It can get stuck in the muscle tear (herniation) and cause problems like I am feeling. Of course, it's Friday and I won't get to the doctor before Monday, I think.

Playing in the orchestra is going well, I am really enjoying it. But, for me, it is *hard* work. Harder than it used to be before all this ever happened. The pressure of playing horn, and breathing properly causes gapey, and my hernia to hurt... ache, sort of. Also just my stamina, my lung capacity, my arm strength to hold the horn for hours and support it while I play... all this stuff I never paid much attention to; I took it for granted. And then there is my thigh joint, the shadows of the PVNS still drumming up attention if I sit for too long.

It's not really complaining, I just am filling you in on the realities. I am actually documenting for myself a sort of inventory of where things stand.

Tomorrow (Friday)- rehearsal till 1pm, then prepare for Shabbat, then... air, freedom, rest, and refueling for the coming week. The holy Shabbat. Life was only half living without it! Saturday night concert, then a few more Monday and Tuesday, with traveling as well.

I have barely seen my kids this week. I miss them, and I miss being home.

One day at a time.