the Vacation Post, and also reality

So many times over these past three days I have formed poetry in my head about how I was feeling and how the world felt up there in the Galilean hills. It was just so **quiet**... except for the pine needles crunching underfoot. If you stood still, the only sounds were owls, birds, and an occasional small animal racing by. If you looked up, the sky appeared to have lace in it because the trees are so tall. I have pictures, but I haven't transferred them yet. Instead of waiting till I get around to doing that, I decided to write a bit.

I loved looking up in the sky and seeing that Hashem put more stars in the Galilee than He did in Be'er Sheva. ;-)

I had a *fabulous* massage from the angel Gabriella. Little blond Russian woman wearing all white, with amazingly strong hands. I wanted to just pack her up and take her home with me.

It was perfect. Lots of sleep, good food, lots of quiet, good walks, togetherness, and renewal. Yeah.

Arriving home was hard. Many reasons for that, but I can't get into them here. The kids are fine, the house is fine. It's just that some major things didn't happen as I had instructed and requested from the babysitters. It is upsetting, but I am just separating that from our great trip.

I sit here with a boggle of emotions and physical messages my body is communicating. Emotions: Happy and sad... happy about our trip, sad about what is ahead in four days. Happy that we renewed our energy as a couple, sad that things didn't happen with the kids as I layed out in my expectations for the sitters.

Body messages: my PVNS hip joint hurts. A lot more recently.
I have to just try to ignore it because this other surgery is happening. I have an MRI for my thigh/hip in August, then a visit to professor Meller for a follow-up, and we'll know more then. But either I am stiff and sore in the joint because I haven't done physical therapy or swimming in a long time, or that tumor is growing back. I am limping a bit already; my joint doesn't have the flexibility it had after the September excision surgery.

I plan to get back to PT and swimming after this surgery heals, of course. But if that PVNS tumor is back, the option of another synovectomy any time soon is OFF THE TABLE. I guess we'd have to look into the Gleevec option-- remember that cancer drug that has had small scale success with PVNS?

I have to go rest, I'm exhausted.
God, please protect me from the bad health monsters. Please protect me from more diseases, complications, and inordinate pain. Please bless me with time, loving energy, and patience for my children and family during this trying time.
Amen.