Ushering in the year 5771

The past three days have ben spent with the Creator of the Univeerse, good friends, and good food. It was the holiday of Rosh Hashana, the Jewish new year. One of the most holy days of the year. I really cherished the davening (praying) I got to do, not alone, but with my community this time! I got to shul (partly walking, partly wheelchair), and I am so happy. It was so much more meaningful for me. Hearing the shofar sound means something different for me each year, depending on what situation my soul or body is in. This year it made me summon up the feeling of Honor. Those blasts were about honor. Last year they were about crying, and begging Gd for an end to my suffering, and that of all Am Yisrael. This year, well, honor just kept popping up in my innermost felings when I heard that shofar. Honor my person, my body and it's needs, and my soul with it's needs. Respct those needs. Honor my family by giving myself to them wholeheartedly. To embody the honor that Yisrael will inevitably feel when our people can finally be an organization whos's only purpose is to serve Gd in the way He set out for us. Together, with a government built on respect for Torah.

Every year is it so intense to read (pray) the part where it goes into the idea that during Rosh Hahana the Book Of Life opens, and Hashem is deciding who will live, and who will die. The famous "who by fire, who by water, who by stoning, who by plague, who by pestillence..." (not in that order, I am just remembering off the top of my head). Three years ago, when Rosh Hashana that was only four months after I had NF, I cried during that part. It was like "who by evil flesh-eating bacteria" is what was meant by "who by disease". This year, I didn't cry, but it hit me HARD. Who will die before their time, and who will live out their years. What does that mean, "before their time"? If one dies, it is their time, presumably. But, this is saying that "it ain't necssarily so".
"Who will wander, and who will have peace in their days"... I begged Hashem for peace. Not in a political sense (I'd use different words), but in a deeply personal sense. I begged for predictable, pain-free days. I begged for health for me and my family (both here and in the US). And I begged to merit a year of no sugeries or medical or psychological traumas. I want a boring, predictable, stay-at-home-mom year. I am not working my doula practice; mainly because of health/pain/strength issues, but also, I realize, a deeper need for predictability. I yearn for that. Being a doula isn't want you'd call a predictable career, you know? I literally feel I only want to give to my family, not to spread my limited energies to other couples and ther babies.

I also prayed- pleaded with Gd- that I will to be out of pain. But I wonder if I am one of those that won't get that honor; to live life pain free. So, if Gd has His book opened, I'm gonna plead.

So the reverance and importance of the days really sunk in.

Now with a note about a different aspect of Rosh Hashana...
FOOD!! I cooked a lot! Five honey challot, roasted fennel with lemon, basmati rice, sweet cabbage, a roasted DUCK for the first time ever (it came out sooooo good), lentil soup, egg salad and oter types of salads. Dov whipped up a double batch of brownies. Robert cooked a few briskets, a duck also (who's was better? Come have left overs and you tell me!), zuccini, shnitzel, asparagus, and duck neck soup. Yes, very copious amounts of food; we hosted two meals with large families, and were hosted for a meal by good freinds.

All-n-all, a spiritual and culinary success, Baruch Hahshem.

Tomorrow I am going to Tel Aviv to my follow-up at the surgeon. I hope to write a blog entry with a medical update (also about the MRI) tomorrow evening.