The wait for a diagnosis

Just popping in to say that I haven't been able to write recently. Haven't been able to play horn, or write my book, either. Having a rough time physically. I don't feel like getting into all the nitty gritty, but we are waiting on CT scan results to hopefully cast some light on what is happening in my body that is causing me pain and discomfort. And low-grade fevers.

This is a time period that could take a while, trying to get a diagnosis. If the scan comes back with no findings, I'm going to take it to a radiologist-specialist to get a second opinion. I know that with my history of rare and unusual diseases, a second opinion is usually needed.

If the second opinion doesn't turn up a logical diagnosis, we may wind up going with the diagnosis of Endometriosis, which is not visible on any scans. There is no cure for it, either, except for laproscopic surgery. It'd be unusual to have this with an accompanying fever, but there are instances of that on the internet I've seen. Since the only "cure" is removal of the endometrium with laproscopic surgery, or wait for menopause, I'd be in a quandary. It is really laying me up, and often. Like, tremendous pain in my groin/thigh area on right side (been happening for well over a year, since before my last surgery last October), and the almost-daily low-grade fever is a killer. I can't take analgesics very frequently, so, yeah... quandary. But, we're not there yet.

I may be quiet here on my blog until I get a diagnosis. I am really just trying to make it through my days. Having said that, I *am* making it through most days. I am also taking care of my friend's 6-year-old daughter (my friend is struggling with very difficult health problems, much harder than mine. Gives me perspective) on a pretty regular basis. She sleeps over here at least once a week. I push myself when I can for her. Last week, though, she got to school quite late in the morning because I just could not get up. My head was a fog after a difficult night's sleep, and Robert drove everyone to school. My kids' schools are on the total opposite side of town than her school, so unless I get up and we drive both cars to get kids to school, someone will be late. It was Tessa (my friend's daughter). Robert wrote her a note, not a huge deal, but I can't over commit to take care of her when my own health isn't reliable. Robert & I are a team in managing anyone in our care, and he does come through also regarding Tessa, but it's not at all ideal if I am not physically there for her whenever she is awake. She depends on me, and is quite attached to me (as I am to her, as well).

Life is complicated.

I am mainly working on myself regarding having gratitude to Hashem for everything in our lives. When I can focus on gratitude, my heart is full. Let's all do that work- gratitude... it makes such a huge difference in life. I redirect my focus there as much as possible.
(oh, and guess what?? I am totally *off* the Lamictal. I took it for NINE years. It's out of my system. Gratitude.)