An update from hibernation

The wind and rain has been so cold, and the sun rarely warming anything during the day. I have been taking the opportunity to hibernate. I am so cold, always. I wear three layers to everyone else's one or two. I put the heater on, but it takes too long to warm the rooms. I've always been more of a summer/heat/beach person.

I'm stying right in here, thank you very much.

But you didn't come here to read about the weather in Be'er Sheva. I just don't know how to start writing. I'm going for calmness, equilibrium, and quiet spaces. Things have been possible lately. I say it that way because during the time period that Sabrina was getting sicker and passing away, things were impossible on every level. I stepped away from everything after she died... well, after my father (who had pneumonia) left after she died.... well, after Ya'akov's hernia surgery after she died.... you get my drift. No more drama. I almost couldn't bear to see the hospital any more. My soul needs calming. It's been through so, so much. So I think I am able to give it calming now. I am able to step away from, or avoid loudness, or take it in small quantities if I am up to it. Like shopping with my 14 year old girl. The stores today's girls want to go into... makes me crazy with the loud music and perfumed air. She knows I have a half-hour limit there. I'm so old. :)

I am sorry to report that I am in pain all the time... again.

That hip surgery I had October 2015? It's effects are gone. Osteo-arthritis in full bloom. Very painful, practically every step. I have been following a low-inflammation diet, taking cartilage supplements, and... it's back anyway. At the time my orthopedist said he didn't know how much time be "bought" me before needing a hip replacement, but now we know.

Thing is... hip replacement surgery? Now?

Next month I finally have my appointment with the throat/swallow guru of the country to finally [hopefully] correct my dislocated cartilage in my throat from that last surgery. I have waited six months to see this guy, my throat clicking away with each and every swallow.

Now I need to do another surgery, and intubation, and all the pain of recovery and physical therapy and no driving and and and and and??? (actually driving is already getting hard for me... I feel it creeping into my life- cutting out quality of life things because of pain. I've been here before too many times.)

I can wait, it's not an emergency, of course. The arthritis gets worse, but not that quickly. But I know I will not go on pain meds, so I don't have much to rely on as this is worsening. I just am doing less. Even playing ping-pong with Azriel kills my hip, and that's really not so strenuous. But he's so cute and loves it so much, I hate {{again}} having to say no to him because of my physical or emotional shortcomings at any given time. The kid barely ever knew me not sick.... or I should say, as strong as I was before I got sick in 2007.

Shabbat is approaching. I'm glad I got to write a bit... thanks for hanging in there with me.

Love from cold and rainy (and hail-y!!) Be'er Sheva.