USA trip, part 3: COLORADO

"I went to the doctor, I went to the mountains

I looked to the children, I drank from the fountains

There's more than one answer to these questions

Pointing me in a crooked line

And the less I seek my source for some definitive

The closer I am to fine..."

(Indigo Girls)

I did that... I went to the mountains after I went to the doctors. And you know what? It was exactly what the doctor ordered! I just had five days in the mountains of Brekenridge Colorado, and it was divine. Wanna know what else? I hiked. Up a mountain. Yes I did. And the pain is significantly better. You read that right... it seems that the nerve block shots are taking effect! I started to feel it on Thursday, a week and a day after they did the shots. I realized I was walking around town with my friends, and I wasn't hampered by pain. It was nothing short of miraculous, honestly. What I am left with is a sharp pain right exactly where the mesh is, and where the doctor from Afula (the gastro) said I may have a hernia. But the radiating part of the pain wasn't there anymore. Just that local spot. It had been radiating throughout my whole lower abdomen, and that is what I don't feel anymore. Yay for nerve block shots! Now lets see how long they last.

Some shots of the magnificent mountains in Colorado:

this one was out of a gondola car

 

Also from the gondola

My phone camera could not do any of it justice!

This wonderful group of women I was with in the mountains are women I've known, through email and internet, since I was pregnant with Dov. You see, in looking for a support group for my first pregnancy, I came across this site hosted by Yahoo called "pregnancy today", where you get on an email list with other women who share your due date. Thus was formed the "Oct '98 group". We know each other intimately... I would have known any of them if I passed them in the street, but most of us had never met before. We have been through all life's stages together... subsequent births, deaths, divorces, remarriages, illness...and everything in between. So we decided, about six months ago to do a 20 year meet-up. We voted on this beautiful area of Colarado, and it was wonderful. It was wonderful just spending time with these women who I really love so much, and am so close with. It's hard to describe the feelings we have together. It was truly beautiful (and fun!!). I didn't know if I'd make it. I didn't know what would happen at Mayo, didn't know if I'd have the strength to travel, be social, *do* things, at all. Most of this year I haven't been doing much of anything because of the pain. But I took this risk. And I am so happy I did. Lifetime memories. 

I made some pottery:

went hiking in the mountains (but not as far as others, but that's OK!), and mainly just hung with these lovely ladies and gabbed our heads off! We played some funny games at nights, too. It was awesome. I have such gratitude...for the pain lessening, for the mountains, for this amazing group of women, for my other friends in Denver who we are staying with.

The meet-up after 20 years of "knowing" each other on-line!
There were many women who couldn't join us, unfortunately.
They were truly missed!!

I also met another woman from another of my support group email lists- from my NF list. That was also wonderful. A fellow NF survivor. We also talked and talked, and it felt like we were old friends. We had been in contact with each other for over a year, but meeting in person was the icing on the cake. We went to a beautiful park not so far from Denver, called "Garden of the Gods". It was beautiful, red rock formations. Unfortunately it rained as soon as we pulled into the park, and stopped as soon as we left! But it was gorgeous nonetheless, and the company was priceless.

I'm feeling pretty good. Still having some digestive problems, but overall, the fact that the pain shots have kicked in- the steroid part of them- it is giving me a new lease on life. I now have the task of finding someone in Israel to repeat them when they start to wear off. I think I can do that, shouldn't be too hard.

The whole Mayo experience.... it left me with mixed feelings, but also with optimism. The mixed feelings are because I basically found out that these pain issues I have are probably not "fixable", that I may have to deal with it for the rest of my life. Nerve block shots are sustainable for as long as they are sustainable, but it's like taking any pain killers, it's not fixing the problem. It's temporary, although possibly for years.

I wanted the answer that they can fix me. Or something more definitive about what is wrong. I didn't even get a surgical consult there. Apparently the surgeons who deal with abdominal wall/organ reconstruction were all booked up the week I was there. I kept calling to see if there were cancellations- I called three times a day, and there weren't any. So that was disappointing. I have many questions for a surgeon...mainly what are the chances that it is possible to take out my mesh and clips and reconstruct my abdomen? What are the options? Muscle flap procedure, or stem cell grown muscle, or what else? I still feel like I need that piece of the puzzle. I got a recommendation for a fabulous plastic surgeon in NY. The recommendation was from a woman I met at Mayo, who had a similar problem as mine, and this surgeon reconstructed her whole abdomen without using "props". He specializes in mesh removal and reconstructive surgery. I don't know if I'll get in to a consult with him, the only option for that would be Thursday (in two days) when I'll be in NJ. I am waiting for them to call me back to see if they can fit me in then. I just want a consult...I want to know how to look at this problem. I don't even know if it is a possibility.

Well, as I said many times before, Hashem makes schedules. If I am supposed to get a consult with this doctor, I will. If I am not supposed to be thinking of surgery at all, Hashem won't give me a consult! I just wish...I wish it could be fixed.

In some texts with the doctor of Chinese medicine I was seeing before I came here, he suggested I get myself tested for certain markers for Lyme disease, and other tests for minerals and metals that could be influencing the pain. You see, taking away the pain, while it's awesome, is not getting the problem at the root. That is why I'm so unsettled about how things went at Mayo. And of course I have to do the testing for Crohn's and Celiac when I get back home.

Overall, though, I think because of this Colorado experience, I am doing so much better emotionally & physically. My outlook is positive, my pain is markedly less (but not gone), and I had an amazing time in the beautiful mountains with some very, very special lady friends. Also spending time with my friends in Denver (Azriel's friends & their parents) has been very wonderful. I feel renewed. It's been a LONG time since I felt that. Long overdue.

Tomorrow morning we fly to New Jersey to spend time with my childhood friend Devorah, and my aunt (my father's older sister), and cousins. Then Sunday is the unveiling for my Dad's grave stone (both my brothers will be there, too). Then I leave on the 14th. Kind of leaving on a sad note, but that's OK. It's life. It closes a huge cycle for me, closing my years of having a home base on Long Island. It's strange. The whole time I've been here this trip, I have wanted dozens of times to pick up the phone and call my Dad. I just still can't believe that my parents are both gone. It's been 9 months since my Dad passed away. After I see their graves on Sunday, I honestly wonder when I will ever see them again. Only Hashem knows that. Hard to wrap my head around. My forever bond to Long Island is not physical anymore, it's emotional now. OK, I'm getting sad.

I'm going to close up here, although there is so much more to discuss.

You may not hear from me until after I get home (August 15th), I don't know if I'll have time to write again. But I'll leave you with this:

The other half of the rainbow that started on the
little lake in Minnesota... this one is from Brekenridge
and it's the other half!
(The one in MN started on the right of the world.)

HOPE.

 

Same rainbow in Colorado, but diagonal camera...