clarity with hard decisions

Recently Gd has blessed me with an extra amount of ability to make difficult decisions. He has also blessed me with the right people in my life to support me and help me work it all out.

The concert series is over, and overall I had a good time stepping back into the world of orchestra playing. However, the next series that I have been invited to do, in June, is one that I will politely back out of. That is one of the decisions I feel blessed to have been able to make. It was a hard decision, but I feel good about it. Many things had to go into the equation to get there. First and foremost is my health; mainly, how did the orchestra work effect me now. Then comes the issue of what is in my near future as far as the Next Step in the rehab plan. Another factor is that I have clients who are due to give birth around the time of the concerts of the next series. If the birth happens before the surgery, I want to be available for them. I have a special relationship with them (I've known her since she was a little girl), and I hope to see them through.

I haven't written much about the surgery plans because my plate was full with orchestra work. That means, for me, that there were nights that were completely thrown off for me (falling asleep at 2 & 3 am), and consequently days that I wasn't available at all for my family. It was a rough few weeks. Good for me-- good to know I can still play well, and that I can be back in that world. But I am paying a high price. Sometimes we have the extra funds to pay the price, and sometimes we don't. I did it, and I feel that I don't have the "funds in the account" to do the next one. Just too much on my mind, and I want to be more available for my family.

I have had wonderful support in these decisions about the next surgery. I had some difficult decisions to consider. I had help from my Rav, from my doctor, and of course, Robert. After I felt confident in my decisions, we needed to find a surgeon and hospital. The original plan was to call Rav Firer; he knows me, and this is exactly what he does. But you know what? He is really hard reach. Remember the orchestration of having all of you call, leave a message, hope I get through, then wait for his call approximately when they say he'll call? Then what if you need follow-up advice? The same thing all over again.

We had heard of another medical Rav- his name is Rav Binyamin (Benjamin) Fisher. He also is tremendously connected with the medical world and doctors, and is easier to access. He has phone calling hours; you call, and go through a switchboard, then he gets on the phone. And you can call whenever you want for a follow-up question.

Robert called him. And it was good that there is the option to call again whenever you need, because it turns out that we needed that. It took a few conversations between Robert & Rav Fisher to understand the complexities involved with these procedures regarding me, specifically. Yesterday we got a name of the surgeon Rav Fisher recommends for me. He is in Tel Aviv, in Assuta hospital (he also works in Ichilov, but Assuta is the private practice).

I have a consult with him already next week-- Thursday the 20th. The consult is about laproscopic surgery for two procedures at once; the gyn procedure, and the stomach wall hernia repair. I am looking forward to having clarity about it. ...what does he think of the hernia repair with regards to my skin graft and history? will he do both procedures, or will he recommend that a gynecologist join for part of it? And, of course, the explanations of both procedures.

Thank Gd for the ability to make decisions, and for the gift of the right people in your life to help figure it all out.