So my forearm started hurting; like a muscle or nerve out-of-whack. Chalked it up to having Azriel on my back during the walk to the park. But I looked to check out the skin scenario anyway. Little red spot, like a mosquito bite. Not itchy, but minding it's own business. I regarded it as very close to nothing. As the day went on, my arm got more sore, and at one point I looked again at the little spot. It now has a light red ring around it, and it is a little swollen. Huh? Robert thinks it may be a spider bite; they can do that, he says. Anyway, I am here thinking it's just a matter of time before it spreads throughout my forearm and I'll need debridement surgery. It is now evening with no significant change, so I know it is probably nothing, but this kind of thing puts the fear of death in me. Yes, even three years later. I'm not counting on that fear ever going away.
The second thing is that my right side lower abdomen has been having twangs of pain now for over a month; exactly where the appendectomy was, 6 months ago. Today all-of-a-sudden it got worse, and stayed worse. It is very sore, and it has that "rebound pain" that happens when you press on it and fast take away your pressure. Now, I know that is typical of an appendicitis, but *I don't have an appendix anymore*. Is it possible for a stump to re-grow? It's been 6 months... Am I totally NUTS here? It feels that way.
Someone please talk me down and tell me that I am in a natural state of overreaction. I can't tell you how many times I thought I'd wind up at the ER in this past month... the inflammation of the female parts and pain related to that once had me almost going. But I went to an urgent care women's clinic instead. That was fine, and I got the medicine I needed. But not a complete set of meds; my own gyn filled in what the guy there missed. I am on the mend from that. Fortunately I am together enough to talk myself down from these panic moments.
But today, I don't know, maybe because it was all accompanied by the migraine (and taking narcotics to sooth the headache away), but I am really freaked out. I feel that at any given moment I will need to be hauled to the ER for this red bite thing on my arm getting larger red rings around it, or the pain in the abdomen thing getting out of control.
But, like the most well-known scenario, I will be fine tomorrow. I will make it through the night without almost dying. I know that sounds nuts to you who haven't ever experienced not getting through the night without almost dying. Once you experience that, there is no going back to not knowing the feeling, and fear of it.
Please tell me I'll be fine. I cannot burden Robert with more of my phobia of ailments that can lead to death.
Just tell me I'll be fine.
And I'll meet the surgeon that Rav Fisher recommended tomorrow in Tel Aviv, and get a consult about fixing my hernia.
All-of-a-sudden my medical issues part of my brain is on overload.
Talk me down.
Did not read the rest of the post. Had to stop at the red ring around the bite -- you must see a doctor! please let me know that you took care of this.
ReplyDeleteI forget what the significance of the ring is (i.e. if it means a spider bite or some other insect), but I know it's not a mosquito bite and you might need to apply a special ointment or even take something orally. Please get it checked out right away.
I'm going to call you now.
The insect bite thingy sounds normal; if it isn't changing then try not to worry about it. And the tummy pain doesn't sound urgent.
ReplyDeleteI think you are right to recognize a fear of panicking -- of course you are nervous about this stuff! But it also sounds like your inner self knows it isn't time to worry, and that core has a good sense of your true health. Trust yourself, even when you are telling yourself not to worry.
Was that a good "talking down"? I hope somebody nearer called you.
ReplyDelete(Beth from 98)
Dearest Sarah: You will be fine. You are correct that is probably something small like a spider bite. Something to watch, but not panic over. I send hugs through the computer, and wish for you a good visit with the doctor tomorrow. May he be generous with his compassion and understanding to address your *whole* self, not just your body. Perhaps he can help you understand all you are experiencing and answer questions about bites and appendix. This is my prayer for you.
ReplyDelete